Baby B at 3 Months

Happy 3 months, Baby B! Here's what you were up to this last month:

- You are getting more snuggly. You like to nestle your head in the crook of my neck and curl up there. This is usually how you fall asleep in my arms.
- You weigh 11.5 lbs. You fit into some of your 3 month clothes, and are starting to fit into 6 month clothes. 
- You are still sleeping through the night. For most of the last month, you would wake up anywhere between 3-5am and need a diaper change or simply a pacifier. But for the past week you've been sleeping straight through the night without waking up. Yay!
- You are tolerating tummy time for longer periods, especially if someone is on the floor with you talking to you. You're under doctor's orders for more tummy time; apparently, your neck and back muscles aren't as strong as they should be, so we're working with you to make them stronger. 
- You are having 'conversations' with us. We'll go back and forth babbling and smiling at each other for a few minutes. It's been amazing to see the difference between my boy babies and you as a girl. They weren't 'conversational' until much later. It makes me eager to see if you'll talk earlier than they did too. You have gotten really smiley this last month.
- You've just recently discovered that you have hands. You will move your hands around and stare at them while they move. When I'm holding you, you'll study my shirt intently and open and close your hands while you move them around, like you're trying to figure out how to grab on to something. The other day you were staring at the base of my neck and scratching around at it, like you thought there was something to grab onto. Ouch! 
- You are no longer being swaddled for sleep times. I just lay you down and tuck a light blanket around you and you go out. Often, you don't even have a pacifier, you just put yourself to sleep. You are definitely the easiest of my babies in the sleep department!
- You rolled over (from tummy to back) for the first time just this last week. 

We love you Baby B, and we can't wait to see how you grow this next month. 

(Photo by Ben)

The Family That Reads Together

"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents."

— Emilie Buchwald

Critters

Tommy and Ben have entered a new phase of catching critters and keeping them in jars. I've been saving jars of all sorts for the past few years, hoping that they would be useful some day. I never thought they'd be useful as a house for various creatures like insects, lizards, frogs, and poisonous spiders.

We let the kids keep the critters for as long as they're safe, then we make them release their little friends. One day Tommy caught three frogs and put them in the same jar. He discovered that if he rolled the jar slowly, the frogs would jump along, kind of like a froggie exercise wheel. This kept him captivated for quite awhile, until I made him give the poor frogs a break.

I was the hero the day I caught a black widow spider and popped her in a jar. I eventually let her go, far away from the house. It was really interesting for us to be able to watch and study this spider up close, without worrying about getting bitten.

This new phase has me saying things I never thought I'd say. Like, "Please take the frog outside. Why? Because I don't want frogs jumping around my house." and "No, you cannot keep the black widow forever." 

Each new day brings a new set of critters. I can't wait to find out what tomorrow brings.

Cherry Picking

Each year the first of the trees in our orchard to ripen is our cherry tree. For the past two years, our cherries have always been full of bug larvae (gross, right?), rendering them inedible. But this year we finally got wise. We put tanglefoot around the base of each fruit tree a few months ago when our trees were flowering. Tanglefoot is tar-like sticky stuff that is supposed to attract harmful insects away from the fruit. It looks like it did the trick because we didn't have any larvae this year. 

Figuring out what to do with a tree-full of cherries hasn't been that difficult. We picked three quarts of cherries and served them at a party, where they were devoured in an hour. The next day we picked another two quarts, and they were almost all gone by the end of the day just from our family eating them. 

In another week, we'll have another ripe cherry tree. And in another month or so, we'll have peaches. I love summer!

Tommy at Five and a Half

You are a bit older than five and a half now. I still haven't quite gotten used to having a five year old, and in (what I know will feel like) just a few months I'm going to have a six year old!


As you get older, you are becoming a more concentrated version of your younger self. I suppose this is true for all people as they grow up, but it seems like it's more noticeable in you compared to Ben. For instance, you've loved cars since you were a baby, and you still really love cars. Every time we go to the library I'll ask you what kinds of things you want to learn about so we can get books about it. When you were three you would simply say "cars". You still say "cars", but add, "Actually, I want books about how cars work. Like how the engine and the motor works, and the brakes. And I want to learn about rally cars too. Because they're really cool." It's amazing to me that you've held on to your love of cars for so long, and it makes me wonder if they'll have anything to do with your occupation when you grow up.

You are such a good big brother to your foster-sister. You are always asking to feed her, touching her, talking to her, and asking how she's doing. One Sunday morning when I was getting everyone ready for church, you fed and and held her for about forty-five minutes while I got stuff done around the house. It was such a big help!


You have a dichotomy within yourself: you have a serious side that makes you ask thought-provoking questions like, "Why didn't God kill Satan right after he tempted Adam and Eve? Wouldn't that have made everything better?" But then two minutes later you'll be bouncing off the furniture or rolling around on the floor with your brother saying unbelievably silly things. It must be a 5 year old boy thing. 


Your reading has really taken off. You are doing well with your daily lessons, and you are getting more fluent with your reading. You are finally starting to see that being able to read helps you understand the world around you. You are noticing that you can read things like road signs and book titles, without me having to prompt you to tell me what they say: "Mom, look, that says, 'Now Open'!". 


I'm looking forward to seeing how you grow from now until your sixth birthday! 

Water Balloons

Now that the weather is warmer, the latest fun thing to do around here is to play with water balloons.

Ben was throwing balloons at Tommy, and got two of them to burst square on Tommy's back. Tommy wanted to returned the favor. Obviously, turnabout is not fair play in his book.

Then we decided that the tiny water balloons weren't enough. We started filling up the party balloons. This particular balloon was a tough one to pop, and Tommy didn't actually get wet when Mark threw it at him. Bummer.

Spring/Summer Garden 2012

This is what my garden currently looks like. Most things were planted back in January. Every January since we've lived in this house (this is our second so far), we get a heat wave. I convince myself that it's going to be a warm season and that it's okay to start planting seeds. Inevitably, the cold and rain starts back up, and it's winter as usual. This year was no exception. Luckily everything survived, even if a lot of things were slow growing during the cold season. As soon the days grew warmer and the sun came out, everything sprang up and started growing very quickly. 

I'm at the point now where I know what my family likes to eat vs. what is easy to grow: carrots, lettuce, snap peas, chard, tomatoes, spinach, leeks, and asparagus. Then we planted some new things just to see how well they would grow: pumpkins, butternut squash, and basil. Then there are the things that only I eat, usually juiced and added to the blender for my morning veggie drink: kale and beets.

This gardening thing is going so well that I'm starting to fantasize about expanding it even more. This isn't a reality right now though; it will take a small bulldozer and a few weekends of work to make that happen. But someday.

Baby B at 2 Months

You are two months old already! This last month has really flown by. 

Here's what you're up to:

- You started smiling earlier this month. Usually when I'm singing a silly song, but also when I engage in your 'babble'. Which brings me to...

- You coo and "talk". You make the cutest little baby sounds and are delighted (see "smiling", above) when I answer your sounds in 'conversation'.

- Your naps and schedule have solidified and have remained consistent this month: you are very awake and alert in the morning, then you have a nice long nap in the afternoon right after lunch, and then you're awake a lot in the evening because...

- The evening is your fussy time. You take a quick catnap in the late afternoon and then are awake (and not too happy about it) the rest of the evening. This can make dinner prep rather difficult, but usually you're happy to be my sous-chef in the Ergo.

- You weigh 12 lbs and you're still in 0-3 month size clothes. 

- Your cries have changed from last month. They have more character and definition now, so I can tell your "Feed-me-right-now!" cry from your Noises of General Complaint. When I come to the crib to answer your Complaining Cry, you're all smiles and happy to see me. Sometimes you'll even stop your Feed-me-right-now! cry and change into a Complaining Cry when you see me. It's so sweet.

- Your limit of awake time is still about 1 hour, though in the evening you are awake a bit longer because of your fussiness.

- You are still a very good daytime sleeper. I swaddle you and lay you down and you go right out. 

- You've been (begrudgingly) doing some tummy time. I'll prop you up on the Boppy pillow, but your limit is about 5 minutes before you start your Complaining Cry.

- We recently started napping you at least once a day in your little PeaPod tent to get you used to it. You weren't a big fan for the first day, but now you seem to feel at home in it because you go right out, just like in your crib.
- Just this past week you started to sleep through the night. For the past five days you've been sleeping from 7pm until 7am, with a dream feed right before I go to bed, around 9:30 pm. (A 'dream feed' is where you simply pick baby up while still asleep and nurse or give a bottle. It fills up their tummy and keeps them satisfied for a longer period at night. We did this with each of our boys and it was wonderful!) For the first two nights I gave you some 'encouragement' with sleeping through the night - you would start stirring and breaking your swaddle between 5-6am, but I re-wrapped you, gave you a pacifier and you went back to sleep until 7/7:30. For the past two nights you've slept straight through without waking up!

Your foster brothers continue to adore you. Tommy loves to hold you and feed you, and almost every day he asks, "Can't we keep her forever, mom?" It's safe to say you are loved very much, Baby B! We can't wait to see how you change and grow in the next month!

Photos for Daddy

Mark used to work from home every day for almost seven years. When we had kids, he was able to pop out of his office now and then to see what they were up to: to see their art projects, a story they just made up, or a cool building they made. Now that Mark works outside the home, he misses an awful lot of the fun stuff going on at home. So I use my phone to send him photos throughout the day of what the kids and I are up to. He loves receiving random photo texts when he's at work because it makes him feel more connected to what's going on with us. Here's a sampling of the last few weeks of "Daddy Photos":

Feeding Baby B 

Tommy working on his reading lesson, Ben working on writing his numbers. Don't be fooled by the tranquility of this scene; it only lasted for about five more minutes before both kids decided they'd had enough of it and wandered outside to find bugs.

Somewhere in San Jose. On Tuesday afternoons we drop Baby B off at the Social Services building for her visitation with her mom, and then explore the park across the street. The kids had fun playing hide-and-seek in this statue.

 This is one of the many things that occurs when you give children free access to scissors, tape, and string: they make beards for themselves. Among many other things.

"Shirts" made out of shopping bags. At first, the boys were using the shopping bags to sack race each other around the house. But when their legs popped through the bottoms, they decided to use them as shirts. 

 A lizard that Tommy caught and wanted to save until Dad came home to see it. He named it John. He asked me to find out what lizards eat. My best guess based on a quick Google search was that they eat bugs, so we spent a lot of time digging up roly-polies to feed to John. He didn't touch them.  

If you know our youngest, you wouldn't be surprised at this one. But a word of explanation: while playing hide-and-seek with the boys one afternoon, I thought would be funny to climb the tree when it was my turn to hide. The boys thought it was so cool that I got up there, and they begged me to help them climb the tree. Being the cool boy mom that I am, I obliged. And then sent a picture of it to their father.

2012 To Do List - April Update

At the end of 2011 I posted a To Do List for myself. I made my list public in hopes that it would keep me accountable, and of course, help me remember my year-long goals. So here's how I'm doing so far:

1. Run a 10K - Check. I actually completed this somewhat by accident and with no planning on my part. I was originally scheduled to run a 5K with a friend in early March. My friend wasn't able to get a spot in the 5K, but she found out that there were plenty of spots open in the 10K (to be clear, a 5K = 3.1 miles, a 10K = 6.2 miles eek!).There was no way I'd be able to run a 10K, but I reasoned that I'd rather walk most of a 10K than run alone in a 5K. So we both signed up for the 10K. We figured we'd run a bit and then walk the rest of the way. To our surprise, we actually ran most of the way. Which was shocking to me because I had not been able to train very much since we'd had a 3 month old just a few weeks before and currently had a one-week old - doesn't leave much time or energy for training! I'm going to count this one as my 10K for the year. I haven't run since that race, and don't see myself having much time for running anytime in the near future.

2. Spend at least 10 minutes one-on-one time with each of my kids every day. Pending. It is no easy task getting these boys away from each other! They have the same sleep schedules and otherwise play together all day. Occasionally one will sleep in while the other one is awake, and when that happens I'll purpose to spend time with them; we may read a book or we'll make breakfast and chat together. I saw one idea that I'm going to try to implement, which is to have one day a week for each child where they get to stay up past bedtime for 15 minutes. I'm thinking that's the only time I can make sure to get them alone with me!

3. Commit to eating only real food. Fail. I just looked back at what I wrote for my plan to cut out all processed food and sweeteners and I had to laugh at myself. These days, I'm lucky if I get something, anything, on the table each night. I have been trying to get a lot more veggies into our diets, especially after watching Forks Over Knives. But "quick" usually wins over "real". We'll tackle the switch to real food some other time.

4. Read the whole Bible again. Pending...possible fail. Having a newborn is really hard. I don't know how anyone who has a newborn finds time to read anything, let alone have a quiet time. So I've been taking short-cuts on my Bible reading. My reading plan wants me to read a few chapters from an Old Testament book (like Deuteronomy), one Psalm, a few paragraphs of a gospel (like Matthew), and a chapter of one of the letters (like James). Normally all of this takes about 20 minutes of reading. Now, instead of reading all the passages assigned for the day, I've been reading just a few paragraphs of a gospel and a Psalm, since I find those the most encouraging for the short amount of time that I have before someone starts crying or fighting. If I have more time, I'll read from one of my favorite books, like Philippians or Ephesians, even though they're not part of the plan. What I need most these days is comfort and encouragement. I'm probably not going to get through the Bible this year, and that's okay. 

Happy Easter

Baby B at One Month

Baby B helping me with some laundry

Baby B, you are one month old! When your foster brothers were babies, I would write updates about them to help myself remember how they changed. Babyhood goes by quickly, and if I don't write things out, they'll be gone from my memory forever. We don't know how long you'll be with us. We think you'll be with us for at least another seven more months, but only God knows the plans he has for you. So just in case you end up sticking around for the next eighteen years, I'm going to do monthly updates on your babyhood. If not, then we'll be able to look back have lots of great things to remember about your time with us.


For the first few weeks you were home with us, we were a bit worried about your weight. This was new territory for me because your foster brothers were always high on the growth charts. When we brought you home at two days old, you were a little peanut at barely 7 lbs, and you were slow to regain your birthweight of 7 lbs, 14 oz. You finally creeped up to 8 pounds just after your two-week checkup. I found myself rejoicing when you finally outgrew your newborn-sized baby clothes at three weeks old. Definitely new territory.


You were very sleepy for the first two and a half weeks of your life. You would usually fall right back to sleep after feedings. You could fall asleep anywhere and anytime, even in the middle of a diaper change. Then around the time you turned three weeks, you started being able to stay awake for up to an hour after your feeding. You love to ride in the Moby wrap. Now that you are awake more, you're very alert and curious when you're in it. You look all around and even lean your head way out to see all around you. I have to keep holding your head in so you don't hurt yourself (and so I don't accidentally bonk your head on something). 


You have sneezing fits at least once a day. You sneeze and then have a little baby sigh, then sneeze again. I'm not sure there's anything cuter than a little baby sneezing five times in a row. 


You are generally mellow and happy. You're slightly fussy in the evening. If we're out of the house in the evening, you're even more fussy. You seem to like being snuggled up in your crib when it's bedtime, instead of being somewhere else. I don't blame you.


Which reminds me...you just recently transitioned to your crib full-time. When you first came home, you were in a bassinet in our room at the foot of our bed. You grunt loudly in your sleep and I was always popping awake thinking you were waking up to eat, only to find that you were just moving around. After a few days, we moved the bassinet into your room across the hall from us and we keep the doors open so we could hear you wake up at night. A few days ago, I tried napping you in your crib to see how you'd take to it. I put a blanket over the side of the crib to hide the bars so it resembled the closed coziness of the bassinet. You took to it! You've been sleeping exclusively in your crib for a few days now. (One less thing we need to wean you off of later!)


You like being swaddled. You're good about putting yourself to sleep. I just wrap you up and lay you down in your crib, and you usually go to sleep with just a minute or two of fussing. Once in a while I'll have to do relays of pacifier replacement, but it's rare. 


You've made a predictable routine for yourself: You wake up around 7:30am and eat/nap every two and a half hours after that until noontime. That's when you eat a bunch and then a nice long nap (which also happens to be the same time your foster brothers take their nap). Then you eat about every three hours the rest of the day. Your last feeding is around 9:30pm. For the past three weeks you've been waking up twice at night to eat, around 1am and 4am. But for the past week you've been waking up just once a night to eat, around 3:00am, and last night you woke up just once at 5:00am. I'm hoping this is a trend that continues! 


One thing you should know, Baby B: you are loved by so many. Your foster dad and I love you like you are our own. Your foster brothers adore you and always want to hold you and play with you. I pray constantly for you, that wisdom would be given to those in charge of making decisions about your future, and that God would protect you and keep you always.

Preschool

I stopped doing my preschool updates here quite a while ago. The holidays came around and we took a break from doing structured things. I love routine, so towards the end of the holiday season I was really craving our routine again. Then we got a string of foster babies, and we had to tweak things a bit with each new arrival and departure. I changed our routine it a bit and now our days look slightly different than they did in the beginning of the year. Now that we have some stability with Baby B, we've hit on a new routine that is working really well.

Each morning generally looks the same: The boys wake up around 7:30am and eat breakfast. After eating, they get themselves ready for the day and tidy up their room and beds. Baby B also wakes up and eats at 7:30. By the time breakfast is over and the boys are ready for the day, it's time for B to take a nap around 8:30am. The boys and I settle on the couch for 'Bible time': singing hymns, memorizing a new catechism question, and Bible reading. Then it's time to read our chapter book, and the boys play quietly on the floor with Legos while I read. We're currently reading Farmer Boy, and for some reason it feels to me like it's taking us forever to get through it. Probably because I'm not reading as consistently as I'd like to think I am. :)

At some point during all this, Tommy will have his reading lesson; he finished all the books in the Bob Books series so now he is reading from a Bible reader I made. I copied and pasted sections from the New International Reader's Version Bible into a Word document, and divided the text into bite-size chunks for him, so he doesn't get overwhelmed. He's been doing this for a few weeks now and he's already read through the first chapter of Genesis. I got the idea to do this from another home schooling mom and I love it because he's reading something real and important. Early reader books are functional for new readers, but the text is boring and pointless. I love that Tommy is reading something rich and true instead of Dumpy to the Rescue!. And yes, that's a real book.

One thing I've added to our days is learning about art and music. We started off with some of my favorite people: Vincent Van Gogh and Aaron Copland. We talk about the paintings during meal times, we've read some books about Van Gogh and his paintings, and we've tried to copy the paintings. In case you're wondering, a Van Gogh reproduction by a four year old ends up looking more like a Picasso. We listen to Copland's music a few times a week in the house (also during meal times, when they're relatively still and calm!) and in the car. So proud that my boys can identify a Copland piece within the first few seconds of the music.  

After 'school time', it's time for Baby B's next feeding. After her feeding we'll go out of the house, either for an errand, a play date, or just for a walk down the street. After this it's time for lunch, then naps for all - Baby B even naps at the same time the big boys have their quiet time. I'm really pleased with the rhythm of our day. I know that one of these days B will change and we'll have to tweak things a bit, but for now I'm really enjoying this sweet spot! 

Enjoying some creek splashing with friends.

Picnic lunch and books. A new tradition we've come up with is to have a lunch of peanut butter and honey sandwiches, apple slices, and popcorn, and eat it leisurely on the grass while I read books to them. 

Foster Sister

We found out this week that we will most likely have Baby B for at least six more months, starting in April (so a total of seven to eight months). The likelihood of our adopting her has gone up a little, but there are still a lot of complicating factors. For now, we are excited that we will get to see many of her firsts - rolling over, sitting up, first foods, maybe even crawling and teeth. 


And since we will be seeing many of her firsts, we've started putting together a life book for her. This is an album-like book where we make notes about her personality, quirks, likes and dislikes, eating and sleeping habits, record milestones, and keep photos. The purpose of the book is so that when she moves on to her permanent home (whether it's an adoptive home or back with her birth-mom), she will be able to have a full picture of her first months while in foster care.


Please keep us in prayer over these next months. We are attaching to Baby B as if she was our own, which means lots of kisses, baby babbling (on our parts), holding, and snuggling. But it is always in the back of our heads that she will most likely move on to another home someday and we will have to say goodbye to her. Pray that our hearts would be full of love for her, but also guarded against any feelings of claim on her. 

Baby Three

There's a new baby in the house!

Baby P left our home just over three weeks ago. We are supposed to call the assessment center (the facility that processes new children who come in the system and finds them foster parents) to let them know when a child has left our home, so they know that we're "open for placement" and can call us for new children. We didn't know we were supposed to do this. So for two weeks our home was very quiet, and frankly, pretty boring. Once I realized my oversight, I called the assessment center right away to let them know we were open for more kids. A few hours later, bam! New baby. We've had her for nine days now, and she's eleven days old.

She's been a happy, healthy little newborn so far. I'm thankful for so many things with her: she only wakes up twice (sometimes once!) at night; she eats well and goes straight back to sleep during those night feedings. She likes being held and looking around. She lets me know when she's ready for a nap by sucking her hand, rubbing her eyes, and giving small cries of complaint, and then she naps willingly in her bassinet during the day. She doesn't protest her carseat too much, and usually sleeps once she's installed. That's more than I can say for either of my boys as newborns! Or maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this baby thing.

People often ask me how the boys are liking the baby. I reflexively say, "Oh, they love her!" Which is true. But closer to the truth is that they barely notice when we have a baby, particularly a newborn. She sleeps most of the day. They give her gentle little hugs and kisses when it's her (or their) nap time. Truth be told, their life hasn't changed very much in the day-to-day things. We still do school time in the morning, we still have play dates and go for walks at the bike trail and to the park. There's been a few times when they want to do something with me and I have to say "We can do that a little bit later, right now I have to feed (or fill in the blank) Baby B". 

We've been so blessed by the generosity of friends throughout our short foster care experience: 

- a meal dropped off on the day of our first placement of newborn Baby A

- the many friends and family who have been willing to watch the boys anytime while I take care of errands related to foster care - whether it's visiting a baby in the hospital, taking a baby for a visitation, or picking up a new baby at the hospital. Foster care would be very difficult without this support.

- the new Moby Wrap that a friend from my moms group gave me (for free!). It is seriously the comfiest baby carrier I've ever worn and I regret not getting one for my boy babes. It would have made life so much easier. 

- Baby girl clothes we've been given by friends - pink outfits were certainly something lacking in my stockpile of clothing.

We've been asked how long we'll have Baby B. We know we'll definitely have her for two more weeks. At the end of March there is a court date that will decide how her situation will change: she may go back to her mom, she may stay with us for at least six more months, or there may be a search for an adoptive family (if this happens, we most likely won't be able to adopt her, for complex reasons I can't get into here).

For now, I'm so enjoying snuggling this fuzzy newborn head. 

New Artist in the Family

Lately Ben has started doing more drawing. This is one of his recent creations: a family portrait of the Knapps next-door. His style of drawing people makes me laugh every time I see it. I like to think that I keep my laughter to myself, but I have to admit that sometime they're so funny that I can't help but crack up at his drawing.

Description of this picture:
"This is a crocodile. [Pointing at squiggles to the left] These are his things that squish up his food. ('His intestines?') Yeah, those."
A few minutes later: "Actually, it’s a toy crocodile. He has a flashlight in his mouth."
More minutes later: "Actually, no, it’s a real crocodile. His friend bit his leg and tore it off. ('Wow, that’s not a very nice friend, is it?') No. And then he got a cast from the animal doctor. Then the friend went to the animal jail. And he’s not strong enough to get out."


It's fascinating to watch Ben draw a picture. He'll draw a little bit and then make up a story to go along with what he's drawn. Usually the pictures involve people fighting. Then he'll draw some more and change the story as he goes. Sometimes his pictures and accompanying story get very complex. By the time he's done with the scene, it'll be a mess of lines and squiggles and strange-looking people which tells the story of an epic battle between good and evil.

Ben said this was a chicken. It looks like one crazy chicken to me.

Some day soon I'm going to make one of these books for each of the kids' artwork. I've been taking photos of their artwork ever since their first scribble. I don't like saving the actual papers because we don't the space (and, let's face it, I can't stand clutter). But how cool would it be to have a nice, compact book that contained hundreds of their paintings, drawings, and other creations? Very cool indeed.

Six Days

Baby P napping through a (rather loud) baby shower

Our latest foster care experience lasted six days. We got "Baby P" on Thursday afternoon and she returned to her mom the following Tuesday afternoon. 

We are getting a lot of short-term, short-notice, newborns since we are an Emergency Shelter Home. When a child is taken from the birth parents, it is usually a sudden, unplanned event. The children we get, as an ESH, have little warning, and often are far more likely to leave our care in a matter of days once the situation is figured out by the social worker. If the child ends up staying in foster care and/or adoption, we would be high on the list so the kid does not have to move again. 

Anyways, this is a random list of things I've learned from our latest three placements.

1. It has been so important to have a clear idea of why we are doing foster care, and set it in the forefront of our minds. Our main intention for doing foster care has been to bring children into our home to show them love and care for however long they need. Adoption is secondary. There came a time last week when we had to make a very quick, and very difficult decision. Because we knew that our objective basically boiled down to helping kids now, we were able to make a good decision. 

If our objective was to find a child to keep, it would affect so many of our decisions. Do we take a placement we know would be very temporary? Do we do our best to accommodate birth parents and push for reunification? Do we bond and love a child whose future with us is likely short-lived, and will never remember us?  Those are critical questions that have different answers depending on your motives. You can't hide your true motives when the hard and painful choices come.

2. The first few days of bringing a baby home (even a healthy, happy baby) will be very difficult. The baby is in a foreign environment with new smells, sounds, and sights and they plain just miss their mama. With our last placement, the baby was fussy, didn't like to be put down, didn't sleep during the day, and woke up four times a night - for the first two days. On the third day, she was like a brand-new kid! She smiled when I picked her up and talked to her, she started sleeping through the night for 7-hour stretches and started napping during the day like a normal three-month old. 

3. We should trust very little that we are told about the case we're dealing with, even from authoritative sources, like the case worker. We've realized that there are so many people involved in the process of removing a child from its parents and placing it in a foster care home. Each person sees a different slice of the picture and relays only that information to us. Often, the information is incomplete or incorrect. Core facts in the story are constantly changing as more is revealed, investigated and clarified over time. Which leads to....

4. Learning to be flexible. This concept is still being pounded into us, and we're slowly getting better at it. We are planners by nature. We are not obsessive, but we take comfort in organization.  And now, so many decisions are made by other people which have a great impact on our lives and schedule. To some degree, in becoming a foster parent you agree to hand over control of some of your life to government workers. We have been eating out a LOT lately, out of necessity.  
- What, there's another visitation tomorrow that you JUST told me about, and it's during my kids' nap time? 
- Oh, now instead of just a visitation, the baby is actually being returned to her mom in an hour? Gather her things and say goodbye quickly!
- You paid a non-refundable fee in advance for a Women's Retreat? Sorry, you have a new placement to pick up a few days before and won't be able to go.
- You gave your Women's Retreat ticket away, thinking you were not going? Well, the child is not coming home, so you can go again, and you need to buy another ticket because you just gave the other one away. (Actually it all worked out in the end and we didn't have to buy an extra ticket, but it was close!)
- We just showed up at 3 PM to pick up a new placement, but we need to wait at the assessment center, with our kids, for 2 hours since the doctor ordered some last minute tests just as we were about to walk out the door. No time to make dinner. Time to eat out again. 

5. I need to start letting go of the idea of having a clean house. It is really difficult to get anything done with a baby in the house, beyond keeping us all fed and in clean clothes (and barely even then). However, I am also seeing that having a solid routine helps tremendously when adding another child to the mix. Baby P fit right into our schedule, after some tweaking.

6. Try not to cancel any plans. We tried to keep life as normal as possible, even if that meant that things got a little crazy for a few days. We can't continually make plans and cancel them whenever we get a new placement. During the few days we had Baby P, I had a few play-dates with friends, ran my usual errands with three kids in tow, had friends over for dinner, helped throw a baby shower, and helped set up for my mom's group. Which goes back to #4: learning to be flexible (and relaxed)!


Now we're back on the call list at the children's shelter, so we could get another placement any day. Luckily I got a full night's rest and managed to pick up the shambles that was my house before we get any more calls!

Happy 4th Birthday, Ben!

You turned four last week. Since you're the youngest child, your turning four hasn't really been too emotional for me. In many ways, you seem like such a big kid that it feels like you should have been four a few months ago. (Also, you've been telling people that you're four for the past half-year, so I feel like you should be five already!) You can do so much for yourself now: get your own snacks, clean up your messes without being asked, dress yourself, and help with your laundry. 

You're very physical. You're great at playing catch, you're a fast runner, and an amazing climber. Your dad and I are thinking we're going to have to put you in sports someday. In the photo above you were having the greatest time doing flips on my bed. You have a competitive nature. You turn everything into a race- eating breakfast, running out to the car, getting dressed in the morning- and you hate to be last.

You are a kind brother. You share willingly with Tommy, and you even gave him one of your gifts to open on your birthday. You love people and you talk to strangers as if they're already a friend. You give everyone hugs, and you'd give them kisses too if I didn't curb that practice! 


I looked back at this post from when you were 3½ to see how you've changed in the last six months. You still complain about doing work around the house, but not as much as you used to. Sometimes you'll even ask me if there's anything you can do to help around the house. You no longer look at books upside down- for a while we were a little worried that you had some learning issues because of your preference to look at books backwards, read things backwards, and write backwards and upside down. Now that you're reading and writing more, I can see that was just a short-lived phase.


Benji, I'm looking forward to watching you grow into a kind, friendly, outgoing boy. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you this upcoming year.

Click here to see photos from Ben's birthday and his party.

Our Newest Charge

We've been the foster parents of this baby girl for two weeks now. Well, we're technically her foster parents, but we haven't actually brought her home yet because she's been in the NICU. I can't say very much about her here, but I can say that she's really cute. And she's very awake and aware of her surroundings, alarmingly so for a such a young baby.


We've gotten a lot more experience navigating the world of foster care. We have learned to be very loose and laid back about our plans. We are normally such planners that we like to prepare as much as we can when we know something is going to happen. Well, when you do that with foster care, it often backfires because things can change so quickly. With this little one, we thought she was going to come home the next day after getting the call for her. So we made plans and preparations for a newborn to come home within 24 hours. We cancelled some things and shifted other things. I cleaned a lot of things (what is it about babies that makes women want to clean things?). Then plans changed and then we thought she'd come home the next day. Then plans changed yet again, and we found out we weren't going to get her for at least another two weeks. Lesson learned: Don't make plans, because they'll most likely change anyway.


We've been doing our best to visit this little one while she's in the NICU. She's in a hospital forty minutes away, which makes visiting difficult, especially with kids and a working husband. But we're doing the best we can, thanks to generous family and friends who have offered to watch our boys while we (and sometimes just I) make the trek up to the hospital. We're all looking forward to her coming to live with us soon.