On To New Adventures

This precious little one left our home mid-day Tuesday. Of course we knew she was going to be leaving sometime soon, but we thought we'd have at least a few days' notice to physically and emotionally prepare. Through a series of miscommunication and missed messages, we ended up having a half days' notice. 

We met Baby B's new parents Tuesday morning and had a good three hour visit with each other, and then they all left together. They were truly very good people and it is easy to imagine Baby B having a long and well-loved life. 

It was a rare human experience. One day you have a child whom you love and have raised since birth. Twenty four hours later, she is gone, never to return. Normally when this happens to your child, it is a tragedy, usually due to death or kidnapping. But this is foster care, so it is a good thing. So we find ourselves very emotionally confused and drained. We are in the difficult position of both mourning and celebrating her departure. After she left, Mark took the rest of the day off and we spent time together as a family.

We've put ourselves back on the list to get more children and we are looking forward to having another little one. But we want to squeeze in some fun with our family of four before we get The Call. So today we had 'crazy school day'. I took the boys out for bagels for breakfast and they did their school work at the street cafe. Then we went on a field trip at a local fire station. They saw how the fire truck works and how the fire fighters live while they're on duty. They got to climb all over the fire truck and inside the cab, and were able to play with the fire hose (which, if you asked them, was probably the coolest part of the whole trip). 

After the fire station, we hit Target and the library. It's amazing how much you can get done in a day with only two school-aged kids!

Baby B at 7 Months

Happy seven months, Baby B!

You started solids on your sixth month birthday. You had pureed avocado. You seemed to like it because you ate the whole avocado! You have solids three times a day, at each of our meals. After avocado you had pureed banana, and then peach. You made really funny faces when you ate peach and didn’t seem to like it. I think the taste was a bit too tart for your tastebuds.

Foods you’ve tried in your seventh month: avocado, banana, peach, broccoli (your favorite so far), cauliflower, mango, carrots, peas, corn, zucchini, butternut squash, pumpkin, strawberries, pears, prunes, apples, egg yolk, tomatoes, cantaloupe, potato, leeks, apricot, yogurt, and rice cereal. Many of these foods were blended together, for example leeks blended with potato or corn blended with butternut squash. You've been quite le gourmand this month.

Now that you are eating solid foods, your schedule has changed a lot. You dropped two of your naps and extended your awake time to two to two-and-a-half hours instead of just one hour. You have just two long naps a day, two hours in the morning from 9:00-11:00 and then three hours in the afternoon, from 1:30-4:00. You go to bed at 6:30pm and sleep until 7:30am. This schedule is so much nicer for us: your long awake time allow us to get out of the house for a few hours during the middle of the day and your long naptimes line up perfectly both with morning homeschooling and afternoon quiet time. 

For the past few weeks your babbling has gotten a lot more sophisticated. Instead of your normal cooing sounds, you're trying out different ranges of sounds, from super high pitched to deep sounds.

This month you started physical therapy for a slight developmental delay. You have something called "truncal hypotonia", which means that your trunk muscles have low tone. At this point, you should be able to sit up tripod style, but you're not able to just yet. You usually just bend right forward when we try to sit you up. So your physical therapist showed me different activities I can do with you to try to promote stronger muscles. We've been doing the exercises for just a few days and you're already showing a big improvement. I think you'll be sitting up independently in no time.

Foster Update:
This will be our last update on Baby B. She is going to live with her new parents 'as soon as possible', in the words of the court. We are still waiting to hear exactly when that will be. We will miss our little Baby B so much, but we know she will be in good hands.

Baby B at 6 Months

You are half a year old! This month was uneventful as far as physical milestones go. You're still rolling around, still babbling happily, and still sleeping well. You had a cold this month, probably given to you by your foster brothers. The only new thing is that you spent most of the month drooling and chewing on everything in sight in efforts to get your two bottom teeth out. And you are starting to bear weight on your legs, something you never wanted to do before.

You are so happy and mellow. You smile at anyone who talks to you. Your favorite 'big brother' is Tommy - you watch him closely whenever he's around and you always have a big drooly grin for him. 

We just went on a five day long family trip to the San Diego area and you did amazingly well. During the long car rides, you played with your toys in your carseat until you dozed off, then took nice long naps. In the park you rode in the sling with me when you were awake and napped in the stroller. You were so easy!

I'm looking forward to introducing you to solid food this next month. You seem very interested in what we eat, and always try to grab my food when you sit on my lap during meal times. We'll have to see if you're interested. I'll probably start you off with avocado or banana.

Big brother Ben helping Baby B 'walk'

Foster Care Update:

We never wrote about some of the details of Baby B's case here. As new foster parents, we were super cautious about sharing any information beyond age and gender about her. Now that we have some perspective, we think it's okay to share a few bits, especially since they are so key to her case. So here goes: 

Baby B is Native American. Even though she was born in California, in the United States, our county has chosen to allow her tribe to have legal jurisdiction over her due to her Native American heritage. Thus the tribe has the right to put her into a Native American adoptive home. Mark does have some Native American heritage, but we don't have the documentation to prove it.

We have known from the beginning that there was the possibility, even likelihood, that Baby B would leave us someday. But we still hoped that she would stay. Now that we know that it's a certainty she'll leave, we're sad about it. We don't know when she's leaving, only that she is. It could be in a week, or it could be in two more months.

Please keep our family in your prayers: that Baby B's new adoptive parents would be willing to have an open transition process, and that we would be flexible and patient as we wait for the details of this case to be worked out.

Baby B at 5 Months

Brother time - Baby B has definitely become accustomed to the ways of boys. She's completely unfazed by loud noises, sudden movement, and lots of physical contact.

This past month has brought a lot more interaction from you. You're watching everyone around you and smiling at most people. You save your biggest smiles and giggles for your foster brothers, who love you to bits. 


Kiddo, you talk a lot. All day long you're cooing, growling, babbling, and saying "aaaaaaahhh! aaaaaahhh!" It's really cute, and it's got to be a girl thing because my boys didn't talk like this until they were about a year old. You're also blowing raspberries, which is incredibly cute.


Last month you premiered your Three-Quarter Roll. This month you really started rolling back and forth all the way. You've shown us that you like to sleep on your tummy. I'll put you on your back (per doctor's, social workers', and developmental specialists' orders) but you always roll yourself over to your tummy and happily sleep that way.


You've gotten really grabby. You'll grab your feet and chew on them when you're on the changing table. When I'm holding you, you'll reach out and try to grab whatever I'm holding (or trying to eat). If I put my face close to yours, you'll try to eat my cheek.


I stopped your "dream feed" this month. I had been putting you to bed at a normal time of 7:30/8:00pm and then getting you up between 9:30-10:30pm to feed you again while you were still asleep. Then I realized that you weren't eating very well in the morning when you first woke up. So it dawned on me that you were probably ready to give up your dream feed. So we ended it, and sure enough, you started drinking more in the morning, which in turn caused you to sleep longer for your first nap of the day, which in turn caused you to eat more later, which...well, you get the idea. In the end, you  dropped two feedings and gained more nap time. You're also starting to be able to stay awake longer than your usual one hour. You can sometimes stay awake as long as two hours, though you start getting sleepy around the 1.5 hour mark.


We are still waiting to hear whether you'll be staying with us. We got news this month that we'll probably be keeping you as long as December before we find out what your future will be. You'll be ten months old by that time. Even though we're overwhelmed at the idea of having you for so long and possibly having to give you up, we are constantly reminding ourselves that this is why we decided to be foster parents: to give babies a healthy start in life and to give them a loving family to attach to. You met with a psychiatric social worker this past month who evaluated you and reported that you were one of the most well-adjusted and well-bonded babies she'd ever seen. Hearing that report was so encouraging. Even if you don't stay with us forever, just the fact that you spent six (or eight, or ten) months with us and were so well bonded with us means that you will have a good life; you'll be able to bond with your future parents (if you do go to another family), and you will be able to have healthy relationships with any siblings you may have, with friends, and someday a spouse. Ultimately, God is sovereign, and we are trusting in his perfect plan, even if that plan doesn't include you staying with us.

Enjoying some tasty toes

Baby B at 4 Months

A perfect three-quarter roll!

This month hasn't brought too many changes for you. You're still sleeping well. You're still only able to stay awake for an hour at a time. You're still eating every 2-2.5 hours. You're still a mellow and happy girl! 

You did have two milestones (or maybe one and three-quarters). You laughed for the first time this month, when I was simultaneously making raspberry sounds and tickling you. You really made me work for that laugh! Now I'm guaranteed to get a giggle if I tickle your neck. Oh, the joy of baby giggles! You also started rolling over from back to tummy. I'm not sure if it counts though, since you haven't exactly made a full roll. You always get stuck on your shoulder. If I nudge you a bit, you'll finish the roll. I think I'm counting it. 

In the past few days you started doing this high-pitch yelling, screeching thing. It's seems to me like you're practicing your voice just for fun and you really like listening to yourself. It's really cute for the first ten minutes. Then around the twenty minute mark, my ears are ringing, and after thirty minutes, I've got a headache. But make no mistake, it is very cute!

_______

For those praying for our family and for Baby B, would you please pray for God to give wisdom to those who are in charge of making decisions on Baby's behalf? While we're not able to give details online, we can say that things are getting a bit complicated. There is a greater chance that she will move to another adoptive family sometime in the next few months. Of course, this is foster care and we've seen that just about anything can happen at any time. But our hearts are growing quite attached to her and she is becoming a daughter to Mark and I and a little sister to the boys. Please pray for our hearts, that we would continue to give our love freely to this little girl, and that we would trust in God's goodness and in his perfect plan, no matter what happens.

Baby B at 3 Months

Happy 3 months, Baby B! Here's what you were up to this last month:

- You are getting more snuggly. You like to nestle your head in the crook of my neck and curl up there. This is usually how you fall asleep in my arms.
- You weigh 11.5 lbs. You fit into some of your 3 month clothes, and are starting to fit into 6 month clothes. 
- You are still sleeping through the night. For most of the last month, you would wake up anywhere between 3-5am and need a diaper change or simply a pacifier. But for the past week you've been sleeping straight through the night without waking up. Yay!
- You are tolerating tummy time for longer periods, especially if someone is on the floor with you talking to you. You're under doctor's orders for more tummy time; apparently, your neck and back muscles aren't as strong as they should be, so we're working with you to make them stronger. 
- You are having 'conversations' with us. We'll go back and forth babbling and smiling at each other for a few minutes. It's been amazing to see the difference between my boy babies and you as a girl. They weren't 'conversational' until much later. It makes me eager to see if you'll talk earlier than they did too. You have gotten really smiley this last month.
- You've just recently discovered that you have hands. You will move your hands around and stare at them while they move. When I'm holding you, you'll study my shirt intently and open and close your hands while you move them around, like you're trying to figure out how to grab on to something. The other day you were staring at the base of my neck and scratching around at it, like you thought there was something to grab onto. Ouch! 
- You are no longer being swaddled for sleep times. I just lay you down and tuck a light blanket around you and you go out. Often, you don't even have a pacifier, you just put yourself to sleep. You are definitely the easiest of my babies in the sleep department!
- You rolled over (from tummy to back) for the first time just this last week. 

We love you Baby B, and we can't wait to see how you grow this next month. 

(Photo by Ben)

Baby B at 2 Months

You are two months old already! This last month has really flown by. 

Here's what you're up to:

- You started smiling earlier this month. Usually when I'm singing a silly song, but also when I engage in your 'babble'. Which brings me to...

- You coo and "talk". You make the cutest little baby sounds and are delighted (see "smiling", above) when I answer your sounds in 'conversation'.

- Your naps and schedule have solidified and have remained consistent this month: you are very awake and alert in the morning, then you have a nice long nap in the afternoon right after lunch, and then you're awake a lot in the evening because...

- The evening is your fussy time. You take a quick catnap in the late afternoon and then are awake (and not too happy about it) the rest of the evening. This can make dinner prep rather difficult, but usually you're happy to be my sous-chef in the Ergo.

- You weigh 12 lbs and you're still in 0-3 month size clothes. 

- Your cries have changed from last month. They have more character and definition now, so I can tell your "Feed-me-right-now!" cry from your Noises of General Complaint. When I come to the crib to answer your Complaining Cry, you're all smiles and happy to see me. Sometimes you'll even stop your Feed-me-right-now! cry and change into a Complaining Cry when you see me. It's so sweet.

- Your limit of awake time is still about 1 hour, though in the evening you are awake a bit longer because of your fussiness.

- You are still a very good daytime sleeper. I swaddle you and lay you down and you go right out. 

- You've been (begrudgingly) doing some tummy time. I'll prop you up on the Boppy pillow, but your limit is about 5 minutes before you start your Complaining Cry.

- We recently started napping you at least once a day in your little PeaPod tent to get you used to it. You weren't a big fan for the first day, but now you seem to feel at home in it because you go right out, just like in your crib.
- Just this past week you started to sleep through the night. For the past five days you've been sleeping from 7pm until 7am, with a dream feed right before I go to bed, around 9:30 pm. (A 'dream feed' is where you simply pick baby up while still asleep and nurse or give a bottle. It fills up their tummy and keeps them satisfied for a longer period at night. We did this with each of our boys and it was wonderful!) For the first two nights I gave you some 'encouragement' with sleeping through the night - you would start stirring and breaking your swaddle between 5-6am, but I re-wrapped you, gave you a pacifier and you went back to sleep until 7/7:30. For the past two nights you've slept straight through without waking up!

Your foster brothers continue to adore you. Tommy loves to hold you and feed you, and almost every day he asks, "Can't we keep her forever, mom?" It's safe to say you are loved very much, Baby B! We can't wait to see how you change and grow in the next month!

Baby B at One Month

Baby B helping me with some laundry

Baby B, you are one month old! When your foster brothers were babies, I would write updates about them to help myself remember how they changed. Babyhood goes by quickly, and if I don't write things out, they'll be gone from my memory forever. We don't know how long you'll be with us. We think you'll be with us for at least another seven more months, but only God knows the plans he has for you. So just in case you end up sticking around for the next eighteen years, I'm going to do monthly updates on your babyhood. If not, then we'll be able to look back have lots of great things to remember about your time with us.


For the first few weeks you were home with us, we were a bit worried about your weight. This was new territory for me because your foster brothers were always high on the growth charts. When we brought you home at two days old, you were a little peanut at barely 7 lbs, and you were slow to regain your birthweight of 7 lbs, 14 oz. You finally creeped up to 8 pounds just after your two-week checkup. I found myself rejoicing when you finally outgrew your newborn-sized baby clothes at three weeks old. Definitely new territory.


You were very sleepy for the first two and a half weeks of your life. You would usually fall right back to sleep after feedings. You could fall asleep anywhere and anytime, even in the middle of a diaper change. Then around the time you turned three weeks, you started being able to stay awake for up to an hour after your feeding. You love to ride in the Moby wrap. Now that you are awake more, you're very alert and curious when you're in it. You look all around and even lean your head way out to see all around you. I have to keep holding your head in so you don't hurt yourself (and so I don't accidentally bonk your head on something). 


You have sneezing fits at least once a day. You sneeze and then have a little baby sigh, then sneeze again. I'm not sure there's anything cuter than a little baby sneezing five times in a row. 


You are generally mellow and happy. You're slightly fussy in the evening. If we're out of the house in the evening, you're even more fussy. You seem to like being snuggled up in your crib when it's bedtime, instead of being somewhere else. I don't blame you.


Which reminds me...you just recently transitioned to your crib full-time. When you first came home, you were in a bassinet in our room at the foot of our bed. You grunt loudly in your sleep and I was always popping awake thinking you were waking up to eat, only to find that you were just moving around. After a few days, we moved the bassinet into your room across the hall from us and we keep the doors open so we could hear you wake up at night. A few days ago, I tried napping you in your crib to see how you'd take to it. I put a blanket over the side of the crib to hide the bars so it resembled the closed coziness of the bassinet. You took to it! You've been sleeping exclusively in your crib for a few days now. (One less thing we need to wean you off of later!)


You like being swaddled. You're good about putting yourself to sleep. I just wrap you up and lay you down in your crib, and you usually go to sleep with just a minute or two of fussing. Once in a while I'll have to do relays of pacifier replacement, but it's rare. 


You've made a predictable routine for yourself: You wake up around 7:30am and eat/nap every two and a half hours after that until noontime. That's when you eat a bunch and then a nice long nap (which also happens to be the same time your foster brothers take their nap). Then you eat about every three hours the rest of the day. Your last feeding is around 9:30pm. For the past three weeks you've been waking up twice at night to eat, around 1am and 4am. But for the past week you've been waking up just once a night to eat, around 3:00am, and last night you woke up just once at 5:00am. I'm hoping this is a trend that continues! 


One thing you should know, Baby B: you are loved by so many. Your foster dad and I love you like you are our own. Your foster brothers adore you and always want to hold you and play with you. I pray constantly for you, that wisdom would be given to those in charge of making decisions about your future, and that God would protect you and keep you always.

Baby Three

There's a new baby in the house!

Baby P left our home just over three weeks ago. We are supposed to call the assessment center (the facility that processes new children who come in the system and finds them foster parents) to let them know when a child has left our home, so they know that we're "open for placement" and can call us for new children. We didn't know we were supposed to do this. So for two weeks our home was very quiet, and frankly, pretty boring. Once I realized my oversight, I called the assessment center right away to let them know we were open for more kids. A few hours later, bam! New baby. We've had her for nine days now, and she's eleven days old.

She's been a happy, healthy little newborn so far. I'm thankful for so many things with her: she only wakes up twice (sometimes once!) at night; she eats well and goes straight back to sleep during those night feedings. She likes being held and looking around. She lets me know when she's ready for a nap by sucking her hand, rubbing her eyes, and giving small cries of complaint, and then she naps willingly in her bassinet during the day. She doesn't protest her carseat too much, and usually sleeps once she's installed. That's more than I can say for either of my boys as newborns! Or maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this baby thing.

People often ask me how the boys are liking the baby. I reflexively say, "Oh, they love her!" Which is true. But closer to the truth is that they barely notice when we have a baby, particularly a newborn. She sleeps most of the day. They give her gentle little hugs and kisses when it's her (or their) nap time. Truth be told, their life hasn't changed very much in the day-to-day things. We still do school time in the morning, we still have play dates and go for walks at the bike trail and to the park. There's been a few times when they want to do something with me and I have to say "We can do that a little bit later, right now I have to feed (or fill in the blank) Baby B". 

We've been so blessed by the generosity of friends throughout our short foster care experience: 

- a meal dropped off on the day of our first placement of newborn Baby A

- the many friends and family who have been willing to watch the boys anytime while I take care of errands related to foster care - whether it's visiting a baby in the hospital, taking a baby for a visitation, or picking up a new baby at the hospital. Foster care would be very difficult without this support.

- the new Moby Wrap that a friend from my moms group gave me (for free!). It is seriously the comfiest baby carrier I've ever worn and I regret not getting one for my boy babes. It would have made life so much easier. 

- Baby girl clothes we've been given by friends - pink outfits were certainly something lacking in my stockpile of clothing.

We've been asked how long we'll have Baby B. We know we'll definitely have her for two more weeks. At the end of March there is a court date that will decide how her situation will change: she may go back to her mom, she may stay with us for at least six more months, or there may be a search for an adoptive family (if this happens, we most likely won't be able to adopt her, for complex reasons I can't get into here).

For now, I'm so enjoying snuggling this fuzzy newborn head.