My Birthday

For my birthday this year I wanted a family day at the beach (have I mentioned yet that I love the beach? ;-). Mark took the day off and took us to Monterey. We hit Dennis the Menace park (the boys' favorite playground in the Bay Area) and then a crêpe place on the wharf that makes awesome crêpes. After that we found a great beach and settled there for a while. We were sunburned and windblown by the end of the day, but it was a great day.

Waiting for our crêpes

The best place to read a book

A Workbench of Their Own

A few weekends ago Mark and the boys set up a work space in his workshop. This was to solve two issues: 

1) The boys repeatedly borrowing Mark's tools to work on projects and not returning them. 2) One of our children has a habit of tinkering with things that aren't meant to be tinkered with. Usually, this results in the thing being broken. Usually, it is beyond repair. And usually, it is very expensive. I guess only expensive things are worth tinkering with. 

To solve the first issue, Mark purchased each of their boys their own basic set of tools: hammers, wood glue, screw drivers, tape measures, wrenches, and pliers (plus aded some nails, screws, and clamps, from his own stock.)

To solve the second issue, he built them their own tool bench in the corner of his workshop. They are allowed to build anything they want using scrap wood and other specified materials. It's been a few weeks, and so far nothing else has been broken! And some cool creations have been made. 

The boys' workbench

First project: a "go kart"

Santa Cruz Tidepools

I love the beach. I won't go so far as to say I'd want to live there, given that coastal places tend to be overcast large portions of the year. But if money wasn't a factor, I would definitely want a little cottage by the ocean so I could stay there during the sunny times. I seriously love the beach.

We visited some new tide pools (new to us, anyway) in Santa Cruz in early March. They are supposed to be some of the best in the state. We saw tons of sea stars, purple sea urchins, anemones (or sea enemies, as the boys like to call them ;), and huge hermit crabs. It was a beautiful day and a great time together as a family.

The end.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ben's 6th Birthday

Happy birthday Ben! 

Your birthday was on February 1st and I am just getting around to writing about it. You had a great birthday. You received gifts that you loved: books and a Wii system (used, old generation...but at this point you don't notice the difference!) and a few Wii games. You spent time with friends doing the things you love: swimming at the pool and then going to their house to watch movies. 

You are a joy to have as a son. You are mellow, happy, hard-working. You are honest. You are a good friend to your brother. And you are a good big brother to your little sister, instinctively looking out for her and knowing just how to play with her to make her laugh. 

Some excerpts from Ben's birthday interview: 

What do you want to do for a job when you grow up?  

Be a daddy. Work at Oracle.

Where do you want to live when you grow up?  

In New York City.

Do you think you’ll get married when you grow up?

Yes.

How old will you be when you get married?

55

Where do babies come from?

That’s a horrible question. I’m not going to answer it.

What do you love most about your siblings? 

Tommy: He’s always kind of nice to me.

Lucy: She’s very very cute.

What makes you very happy?

Having a little sister.

18 Months!

You are 18 (almost 19) months old now! This has been a big few months for you with lots of big-girl changes.

You are a complete delight. You laugh easily. You love your brothers. If you don't see them for a while, you start wandering the house calling "Bobo!" to look for them. Your love for Daddy has grown this past month. You light up when you see him and will follow him all over the house when he is around.

You started walking in October, when you were almost 16 months. Nearly three months later you are running, trying to jump, and are climbing on everything you can find. You are very cautious though; if something seems unstable, you won't try to climb on it. Such a change from the boys!

Your language has really picked up in the last two weeks. You are repeating a lot of words I say to you and seem to really want to communicate. This is what you are saying now:

puppy

ball

mama

daddy

hi/hello

bye-bye

Bobo (our word for brother)

bird

kiki (kitty)

dop (stop)

no

num (food)

shoe

tee (tree)

ow
co (cold)

down

up

wee (swing)
apple
cold
pee-pee
poo-poo
hop (help)

You are good at using a spoon and fork to eat your food, and prefer them over using your fingers. You also like having a napkin so you can wipe your hands and face while you eat. You're such a little person! Also at meal times, when we say, "Ok, it's time to pray!" you will fold your hands, bow your head and start babbling to yourself, followed by "men!" It is so cute!

You transitioned to a big girl bed a few weeks ago. We had a toddler bed set up in your room for the last foster placement we had, and one day I just decided to put you in it for your nap. You only got out once, and then stayed and went to sleep. Speaking of naps, you have finally dropped your morning nap, just this past week. You held on to that morning nap for quite a long time!

Probably the biggest milestone for you is that you potty trained this week! See the previous post for more details about that. :)

Your next update will be when you turn 2 in July. I am so looking forward to these next months watching you grow and learn. 

Potty Training Lucy

Warning: the following post is all about potty training. Most sentences will contain the word "pee" or "poo". Skip this post if you don't want to read about these things! I'm recording my potty training experience with Lucy here as a way to help me with any subsequent children. I am so thankful that I recorded my experience with Tommy and Ben. I have a bad memory when it comes to past events, and so it was really helpful to be able to see exactly how it was with them. And hopefully this post will be helpful to others who are thinking about potty training, particularly "early".

When Lucy was around 15 months old, I picked up my copy of Diaper Free Before 3 to get some potty inspiration. I started to familiarize her with the toilet. When I had the time, she would spend some time at home naked or in underwear. Of course, she would pee (and sometimes poo) randomly and everywhere, but I think this helped her realize what her body was doing. She caught on very quickly, at least compared to the boys, who were both completely clueless about their bodily functions for most of their actual potty training. I was so excited about how quickly she caught on that I decided to tackle potty training after the holidays. The fact that she was only 18 months old made me wonder if I was crazy, but I was confident that she would be able to pick it up.

I used the same method I did with the boys: formerly called the "3-day method", now "oh crap. potty training". I stocked up on drinks, snacks, board books, paper towels, and clean-up wipes. I arranged with my mother-in-law to watch the boys all day so I could spend the day one-on-one with Lucy. The basic idea of this method is that you keep them naked and observe them carefully. When they start to pee, you tell them to stop (or hold it) and then put them on the toilet. Over and over and over.

Day One was Tuesday. This was really all about me trying to figure out Lucy's body: how often she pees, what her pee 'cue' is, which type of toilet she prefers, whether she likes me to sit with her or give her privacy. The whole day was twenty-minute cycles of her starting to pee, me calling out "stop!", then whisking her to the toilet as quickly as possible. I definitely saw improvement by the end of the day, which is all that is important.

Day Two was much the same, but with a bit more progress. She seemed to be able to hold her pee longer, catch herself when she started to pee on the floor, and she showed me that she prefers the big potty over a toddler potty seat, and that she needs privacy to do her business. So I would set her on the toilet and walk away just out of eyeshot. On this day I was brave enough to do a few errands. I put her in pants and went to Trader Joe's to pick up a few things. While we were there we tried out the bathroom). Then we came home and she went pee, then we went out to Peet's (and tried out their bathroom). She had no accidents all morning, but 

Day Three was the same routine, but we had even more progress. She had more success in the potty than accidents. We went to a playground and then the library, where she had an accident. By the end of this day, I felt she was doing well enough to start wearing pants (but no undies yet).

Day Four was great! We spent three hours at a playground in the morning. Lucy peed in the potty every time I took her (once in the toddler potty in the car, and twice in the public bathroom). We came home in the afternoon for a nap, and then went out again for another three hours in the evening. Lucy was accident-free all day!!

Day Five has been mostly like Day Four, with the exception of one accident. But she came and told me "Mom! Pee pee!" which is great! Later in the day she actually came to me to tell me she had to go. I put her on the potty and she went. 

The one worry I had about potty training early was that it might introduce conflict between us. Potty training brings out some personality issues that you may not have realized where there before, and I wasn't sure if she would take to it willingly. Since Lucy is adopted, our attachment is already fragile, and I didn't want anything to hurt the bond that we have built. But instead of this process hurting our relationship, it has brought us closer together. I got to spend tons of one-on-one time with Lucy, and really got to communicate with her in a way that is harder to do when there are other kids around and a household to run.

Lucy is not completely "potty trained" in the sense that she can go independently and tell me when she has to go beforehand. That will come in time. But we are DONE with diapers! And I am so proud of my tiny big girl! 

No more diaper butt!

Christmas 2013

We had a really wonderful Christmas season, probably the best ever. It was the perfect combination of calm family time and fun activities. I think it was well-earned after the craziness of last year, when life turned upside down for a month: For the month surrounding Christmas, we had five kids 6 and under: two bio, two foster, and one on-the-way-to-being-adopted. Who were all sick with horrible colds at the same time. While Mark had an emergency appendectomy. The whole Christmas season was a blur. 

Fast forward to Christmas Day 2013: We had a great Christmas morning. The kids enjoyed their gifts and spent the rest of the morning playing with them. In the afternoon we went  on a hike to Henry Coe. It was a perfect day. 

Back in Foster Care

When we got Lucy last December, it was the end of foster care for us. We wanted to have long peaceful time to bond with our new daughter. And we wanted to adopt another child as soon as bureaucracy allowed. Since foster care is so great a need, we always knew we would go back to it at some point, but only when all the kids were much older. Emergency care was too crazy a lifestyle for us to continue with three kids: so many visits, doctor appointments, phone calls, not to mention the uncertainty. 

This was the plan until about a month ago. While we were driving to Point Lobos the day after Thanksgiving, we started talking about opening our home to emergency placements again. Mark, in particular, felt that our life was calm and secure enough that we could afford to stretch ourselves and invite more children into our home for a short-term basis.

After two weeks of prayer and discussion, we put ourselves back on the list as an ESH (Emergency Satellite Home). A few days later, we were called for a 3.5 year old girl, L. We had her for only a week, until she was reunited with her grandmother. Now we are taking a week off, and then will make ourselves available as an ESH again.

Through this process, I've realized that my thinking about foster care and adoption has changed from when we first started out as foster parents. We were taught in our classes about the county's ideal: that emergency placements would stay in their first foster home for as long as possible until they are either a) reunited with their family or b) adopted. And if they are adopted, it would ideally be by their very first (and only) foster family. Many studies, and common sense, show that each move to a new home harms children.

That mentality is called "concurrency". That is, when you take in a foster kid, you concurrently sign up to be their foster and potential adoptive parents. Mark and I did this our first few years of foster care. We were told it was in the child's best interest, and we figured we wouldn't mind adopting anyways. However, some of our experiences over the past two years in the system have led us to now only do non-concurrent foster care, while also on the adoption matching list.  This is for two reasons. 

First, if you take in a concurrent foster child, you have a conflict of interest. You should be doing everything to support the child's family to be re-united with their child and should work towards that goal. But in the back of your mind you know that if it doesn't work out, the child will be yours. Will this child be yours forever? Will they go away? Will you have a baby girl for nine months, told the whole time that it was 90% chance you would adopt her, and then have her go away at the last minute? Foster care is already an emotional roller coaster. Concurrency made us an emotional wreck.  

The second reason is simply that you are taken off the adoption matching list if you have a concurrent child. And concurrent children are adopted only 1 in 10 times. So if you seriously want to adopt, as we do with one more child, you should not agree to be potential adoptive parents to the children you foster. It sounds crazy, but that is the truth, due to a government rule. So we are going to keep the processes separate. We are waiting for an adoption through the foster care system, while we help with non-concurrent, ESH foster care in the mean time.

We are still waiting for an adoption match at the moment. So far, we've been through two matchings (both were for four month old baby girls), but weren't chosen as the family for those children. We aren't in a big rush. We are enjoying our family. We're enjoying the calm between foster placements. And we're holding on tight when we're riding the crazy foster care roller coaster. 

Christmas Fun

Just after Thanksgiving, I sat down with the boys and we wrote out a list of everything we wanted to do during the Christmas season. Most of the items were generated by them, with just a few suggestions from me. The list included treats to bake, crafts to make, and places to visit. So far, we've checked off a lot of items.

Make cookies: Check.

These giant ginger cookies were incredibly good. Ginger cookies are my absolute favorite anyway, but then I added some cocoa powder and chocolate chunks. So, so good. Unfortunately (for the kids and my waist-line) they didn't last very long in the house. 

Go see The Nutcracker: Check. 

Go to The Nutcracker with friends and then go see Christmas in the Park: Double check!

Miss Lucy got to stay home with Grandma so the big kids and I could have a fun day out. It was our first time seeing The Nutcracker in person. I didn't think the boys would be that interested, but I took them anyway in the interest of checking off "cultural activity" for the month. I was surprised that they loved it! They said they can't wait to go back again next year. 

Build gingerbread houses: Check.

We got the kits from Trader Joe's. They were inexpensive, and yet high quality (and even better, no artificial junk in the candy!) This was the first year the boys made them completely on their own. It was fun watching their creative technique.

Drive around to look at Christmas Lights: Check.

Make cinnamon-dough ornaments: Check.

Actually, I made the ornaments while the kids played with the leftover dough and sprinkles. This turned out to be way more mess and effort than than those crafty-mom blogs let on. This is one activity that probably won't be making our bucket list next year. The upside was that my house smelled glorious for a whole day!

All that's left on our list is to see a few Christmas movies (Polar Express and How the Grinch Stole Christmas) and do another craft (paper snowflakes). 

Christmas Preparations!

When we weren't at the beach this weekend, we were busy decorating the house for Christmas. We started a new tradition this year (can you tell I love traditions?): the boys got a live tree for their room to decorate, and when Christmas is over we will plant the tree in our backyard. The plan is that in about ten years, the tree will be big enough to cut down and use for our Christmas tree again (Lord willing, if we are still living here, of course). 

The boys had a lot of fun decorating the tree. I love that they are old enough to be a real help. We allowed them almost total reign on putting the ornaments on and they put a lot of thought into where to place each ornament. In the few days since the tree has been done, they've rearranged the ornaments several times. Thankfully our resident toddler has (mostly) left the tree alone. 

Beach Friday 2013

Last Friday we continued our annual tradition of going to the beach the day after Thanksgiving. We first started this tradition five years ago (which is really hard to believe!) when we decided to visit the beach the day after Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time. After the busy-ness of preparing for Thanksgiving, it is a welcomed time of peace and tranquility. There is nothing to do but to sit and be amazed by the ocean.  

This was the best Beach Friday trip yet. Our day was truly blessed by God, because it seriously couldn't have been that perfect without His providence. This year we went to Point Lobos instead of 17-Mile Drive like we've done in the past. We were able to hike to a part of the park we've never been to, which was pretty exciting for the kids. 

The kids climbed lots of rocks. Lucy played in the sand. Mark and the boys explored a new cave that they found. Several times we'd find the boys just sitting and quietly looking over the water. These are the moments I love for them to have, when their bodies are still for just a minute and they are thinking. This almost never happens during the day when we are home.

After Point Lobos, we headed to Carmel. This was yet another tradition that got started last year on a whim. Last year, we went to downtown Carmel just to get some hot chocolate. We found a magical little town all lit up with twinkle lights. We had such a wonderful time that we couldn't wait to do it again this year. 

 First we had a fireside dinner at a French Bistro in an outdoor courtyard. By the time dinner was done it was dark. We walked around the town, checked out some stores and art galleries, and enjoyed all the twinkle lights. At the end of the day we were all exhausted (especially Lucy!), but so thankful for the wonderful day we'd had.