“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
- Alexander Graham Bell
- Alexander Graham Bell
This week marks the official end of our infertility journey. At the time that we started the process of IUI four months ago, we had decided to end it at three cycles. Then we realized that the first two cycles were actually just practice. It took the doctors two months to hit the right combination of medication necessary to make my body do what it was suppose to. The third IUI procedure was the first that actually had potential to succeed. When that try failed, we opted for a fourth round. We decided that we would be content with the outcome of two good tries.
Now that the fourth procedure is complete and was definitely unsuccessful, I do feel content. I feel relief that this crazy two-year-long roller coaster ride is finally over. There won't be any more medication, tracking of cycles, or wondering if every little twinge of my body is a pregnancy symptom. Two years of that was quite exhausting, mentally, emotionally, and physically. We are relieved that this door is closed and we can finally walk away from it.
We are opening the door to adoption. We first talked seriously about adoption two and a half years ago after my miscarriage when God changed our hearts to want more children. After I miscarried in March 2009, I didn't want any more children. I honestly felt like I had dodged a bullet. But over the next few months, that changed to the point where God was able to show me the blessing of having more children. We talked briefly about foster adoption, but for various reasons we ultimately decided to reverse Mark's vasectomy. That was two years ago this month.
We started talking about adoption again about six months ago while we were still pursuing infertility treatments. We started reading books about adoption. One that really struck our hearts was Adopted for Life (I highly recommend this book, even if you think you're not interested in adoption.) We also read Radical, which has nothing at all to do with adoption, but seeks to jolt Christians out of their cozy American dreams and urges them to do something with their life that reflects the faith they profess. These two books combined was the beginning of my shift of focus away from my desire to get pregnant and towards adding to our family through adoption.
We want to clarify that our choice to adopt is not us settling for second best. It's true that we spent a lot of time trying to conceive a child before turning to adoption. In retrospect I see that we needed to complete that part of our journey before we could peacefully shut the door on it. We are excited about foster adoption. It's a huge need, as there are some 1,600 children in the foster care system in our county, but only about 400 licensed foster care homes.
Please keep us in prayer for wisdom and discernment as we navigate this new course. I know this will be a difficult road, as all adoption journeys are. But we will be depending on God to guide us when we can't see what's ahead.