Tommy's 3rd Birthday

Tommy turned 3 this weekend!  As in previous years, we decided to keep gift-giving to a minimum and so came up with other ways of making his day special.  On Thursday night we went to the grocery store to pick out his “Special Happy Birthday Cereal” (his words).  He chose Cap’n Crunch Berry.  Sugary cereals are a rarity in this house, so this was a huge treat to him.  When he woke up on Friday morning (his  birthday) the first thing he said was “Is it time to eat my Special Happy Birthday Cereal?”  So we got right down to business and munched away on our partially hydrogenated treat.

After breakfast it was time for a Mommy-Tommy date.  We went to Peet’s to get a kids’ hot chocolate and a pumpkin spice latte for Mommy, another rare treat for  both of us.  Then we went Barnes & Noble to pick out a Happy Birthday Book.  Despite many good book suggestions (dare I say ‘pleadings’), he picked out a ‘junk food’ book that contained four pages of holographic images about trucks.  Sigh.  But it was his birthday, so the book was his choice.

After the bookstore, we headed home for a hot dog and french fry lunch (Tommy’s choice of foods).  Mommysettheovenonfire* so we ended up going to a local hot dog joint instead.  Tommy got a hot dog and a WHOLE bag of chips to himself, another big treat, as the boys normally split a small bag of chips.

After a long nap time, it was time for dinner, this time pizza (Birthday Boy’s choice).  After pizza, he opened his present, which was a set of Automoblox.  To say that he loves these cars is an understatement...he is in love with them.

On Saturday we had our family party and got to celebrate Tommy’s birthday with the whole family.  Another part of his gift from us was a fire truck cake that I made.  I made it Friday afternoon and he kept asking to see it in the fridge every 30 minutes.  He was so very happy during his party when it was time to blow out his candles and eat his fire truck cake.  I think Tommy had a great time on both Friday and Saturday, and best of all (from a parent’s perspective), he felt special doing things, rather than getting things.

* The night before, I had put a few sticks of butter to warm up in the still-warm oven, then forgot about them.  So when I preheated the oven to 450 degrees, it caught the butter on fire and made our house billow smoke.  Mark was home and put the fire out with the extinguisher.  The extinguisher left a fine powder all over the house, so the Happy Birthday Parents had to spend nap time cleaning the house.

My Testimony

Autumn’s Testimony
Delivered at Mothering By Heart, Oct. 26, 2009

My Life Before Christ:
Up until recently, my life has always been very easy, where all my plans succeeded and nothing ever went wrong. This made it easy to solve my small problems by myself.

I was raised in Connecticut by a single mom. My mom accepted Christ when I was 4 and we started going to church. I went to a Christian school for kindergarten. I accepted Christ the same year, when I was 5. I don’t remember much about the experience, except that it happened at church. This didn’t turn me into a perfect child, but I did feel the Holy Spirit constantly tugging on my conscience.

I remember feeling horribly guilty every time I did something I knew was wrong, like talking about someone behind their back or telling a lie. I also remember feeling a distinct sense of injustice when another child was being made fun of and would (usually) do what I could to stand up for them. I know that if God’s Holy Spirit were not part of my life, I would have just shrunk into the background and not said anything. I remember praying a lot. I told all my non-Christian friends that they were sinners who needed to be saved by Jesus (I’m sure their parents loved that!) I really loved going to church and to Sunday School.

But as the years went on through elementary school, middle school, and high school, we went to church less and less until finally we never went at all. Then I transferred from my Christian school that I went to until 4th grade to a public school in a new city in 5th grade.

As time went on, I stopped praying and reading my Bible. I wasn’t surrounded by Christians on a regular basis anymore and I found myself mirroring the world’s attitudes instead of God’s commandments. I wasn’t “bad” per se, I didn’t do drugs, drink or party, and I was considered one of the “good girls” of my high school class. But I was very selfish, moody, disrespectful to my mother, and I just always felt unhappy. I remember only having happy days when everything went exactly the way I wanted it, which obviously was very rare. But I still had a pretty easy and uncomplicated life.

I graduated from public high school, went to college, and met my husband during this time. We courted and were married in record time. It was 6 months from the time we first spoke until we were engaged, and 3 more months until we were married.

Our first year was pretty normal as newlyweds. We lived in Connecticut while I finished up my last year of college. I’m sad to say that God was not the center of our lives or the center of our marriage. We prayed now and then, like if someone was very sick, or if we really wanted something, but not much more beyond that. We never sought God’s will or acknowledged that we needed His help. We went to church sporadically but never found a home church while we lived in Connecticut. We had the minor growing pains that all newlyweds have as they learn to live with a new person and learn each other’s quirks.

I graduated college in May 2005 and the same day we started driving our Camry westward to begin our new life in CA. Our second year of marriage brought my pregnancy with Tommy, who will be 3 later this week. Again, our conceiving a child came and went without a hitch and life was pretty good. Having a newborn was a very easy transition for me and I took to motherhood pretty easily.

When Tommy was only 6 months old, we conceived Ben (on purpose), and just a few months later moved to Morgan Hill from Santa Clara and started attending West Hills Community Church the second weekend we were in town.

How Christ drew me in:
It was when we joined West Hills and I starting attending Mothering by Heart that I heard a speaker talk about the huge responsibility we have as parents, and particularly as moms, to teach our children about Christ and to foster in them a relationship with God:

Deuteronomy 6:6: “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

This was the first time I read or heard this passage and it was the first turning point in my life that urged me learn more about God. I felt Him calling me to get to know Him better so that I could teach my children about Him. I knew the first step was to read my Bible, so I began reading through the New Testament, and most of the books I read for the first time in my life.

I started attending Bible study on Wednesday mornings. I read everything I could about how to be a godly mother and wife. Although I read a lot of good advice and learned a lot, it was difficult for me to apply what I learned in every day situations with my kids.

Trials of Having Two Kids:
By this time, Ben was born and now I had 2 children, a 15 month old an a newborn.
I never knew fatigue, frustration, and impatience like I did parenting two children under the age of two. For the first 6 months of Ben’s life, I literally had no free time for myself. This was very difficult for me to deal with. I remember putting one child down for a nap, and then hoping I had enough time for a catnap, would lay down on the couch, only to be woken up 5 minutes later by the other child waking up from his nap.

I was angry all the time, in a bad mood, and my home was definitely not a fun place to be in. I displayed anger and impatience I did not even know I had in me. I was not enjoying my children and I’m sure others noticed my impatience.  I was not living according to the Bible which says in:

James 1:19-20: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Ephesians 4:2: Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

I definitely was not being humble or gentle, and I wasn’t bearing with my children in love. By this time Tommy was 2, Ben was 9 months old, and I found out I was pregnant with our third child, a huge surprise, and not a good one. I cried for about an hour when I saw that positive pregnancy test. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with three children, especially ones so young and close together when I could barely deal with the two I had.

Just before this point, Mark and I were pretty sure we didn’t want any more than two children and were even thinking of getting a vasectomy. When we found out we were pregnant, we signed up for a vasectomy right away, which we did this past February. I’m ashamed now to think about how I reacted to what I now realize was God’s blessing of another child and an opportunity to rely on Him for all my needs. Instead of leaning on God for all of our needs, we made sure we couldn’t have any more children.

Trusting in God through my trial:
My pregnancy went along smoothly just like my previous two. We heard the heartbeat and saw ultrasounds at 8 and 12 weeks and everything seemed to be going well. But at 16 weeks we lost that baby. My charmed life was over. This was a problem I could not solve on my own. I could not get through this on my own power. This trial literally brought me to my knees. I clung to God and to His Word like I never did before in my life. I told God that I needed His help and could not live without Him.

We were studying the book of James in Wednesday morning Bible study and my memory verse for the day I began to miscarry was from James 1:2:
“Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

I didn’t exactly know what that meant at the time, to consider this trial as ‘pure joy’, but God gave me the grace to do it anyway. He was faithful to fulfill the promise written in James and used this trial to grow me into a more mature Christian. I did not want this experience to go by without learning something from it, so I prayed for God to give me wisdom:

James 1:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

One of the things God taught me was to rely on Him for EVERYTHING. Since then, I have been asking Him for wisdom for every little thing. I ask for daily wisdom and patience with my children and He is faithful to give me the strength to stay calm in even the craziest situations. I remember one day in particular when, in the space of about 2 hours, my 18 month old poured water all over the bathroom floor, stomped in dog poo outside and tracked it all over the house, poured juice out in the grocery store, broke a bowl, which he helpfully tried to put in the sink, and stomped blueberries into the carpet. Eight months ago that would have been enough to send me over the edge, but because of God’s grace I was able to laugh about it all and stay calm.

I ask for wisdom and discernment in my discipline. I even ask for wisdom about how to organize my time at home. Ever since I had children, I couldn't seem to find the time to get everything done I needed to get done: make nutritious meals, keep my house clean, spend quality time with my children. When I asked for wisdom about it, instead of trying to figure it out myself, God led me to a way to organize my daily schedule so that I get everything done and still have time to relax.

Before, when I needed wisdom about a childrearing issue, I would do online research or ask moms on parenting boards what they thought I should do. Now I go to God first and ask Him what He would have me do, and He is faithful to guide me to the right path.

God shows me His faithfulness:
Most recently I came to God for wisdom on how to expand our family. I felt He placed the desire on my heart to have more children which is a miracle itself! Since Mark had had a vasectomy and was against having it reversed, I asked God for wisdom about adoption. I researched adoption and learned all I could about it, but the closer I got to making that first step towards it, the more uneasy I felt about that decision. I felt this was God leading me away from this option.

I still felt strongly that God wanted us to have more children, so I began asking Him earnestly to change Mark’s heart so he would want a reversal. I never talked to Mark about it, but only went to God in prayer. After a few weeks, one day out of the blue Mark told me that he wanted a reversal and that he had even done research about it and had chosen a doctor to do the procedure! Mark’s reversal was 2 months ago and now we are waiting on the Lord to bless us with another child.

Gospel message & Conclusion:
I have no doubt that I accepted Christ when I was 5 years old. He changed who I was. But being so young I did not have the maturity or the support I needed to grow as much as I could have. And so two decades later, God gave me a trial that presented a fork in the road as a follower of Christ. I could have chosen to blame God for my tragedy. I chose to trust Him.

We live in a sad world that we cannot control. Christ is the only way to find true peace. Christ can give you peace. But first you need forgiveness and a relationship with God. I realized that I was a sinner who needed to be saved from God’s judgement when I die.

If you don’t know Christ, there is nothing more important than accepting that His death and resurrection have paid the penalty for all your sins. If you would like to talk to someone about your relationship with God, your table leaders would love to help you. Since realizing that I am nothing without God and cannot do anything without His help, my life has such incredible peace. Every day is a happy day. My happiness flows from this peace and grace that God gives me, not from whether everything is going the way I like it.

Tommy at 33 Months

You are so close to becoming a 3 year old!  In many ways, you are already there.  We’ve noticed an increase in, shall way say, challenging behavior, that lets us know the Terrific Threes are on their way.  


You just started telling stories in the past few weeks.  They go something like this:  Yesterday, I saw the farmer, and he went up the ladder, like this [imitates climbing].  And then he fell down.  And he got a big ow hurt.  And then he went up the ladder, like this, and he fell down.  And then he played trucks.  They’re so entertaining and we can definitely see a lot of your daily life in them!  


Your favorite books:  I’m Dirty!, I Stink!, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!, and Green Eggs and Ham.


Your favorite food:  You’ll eat almost anything except meat and fish.  Your favorites include strawberries, blueberries, cheese, tomatoes, and broccoli. These are things we can put on your plate, look away for 10 seconds, and find them scarfed down. Of course, you also love crackers, pizza, and hot dogs, but what kid doesn’t?


Favorite activities:  Playing legos.  You like to build “tall tall towers” and then carry it around the house to show Daddy and me, at the risk of it being knocked down by Little Brother.  You also like to color with markers and crayons.


New things in your life
We’re working on memorizing simple Bible verses and you’re very good at remembering.  This week’s verse is “Even a child is known by his deeds.”  I explain the verses as best I can in 2-year old terms and I’m hoping someday it will all sink in and help you be a good boy.  


You also have a new Habits Chart.  Each morning after breakfast and each evening before bedtime you have a series of ‘habits’ you complete on your own with very little help from me.  In the morning you clean the table after breakfast, brush  your teeth, use the potty, and then dress yourself.  You’ve always been resistant to learning to dress yourself, but lately you’ve been insisting on doing it, I think because it helps you complete your task on the chart (sounds a lot like Daddy!).  In the evening you clean up your toys throughout the house, brush teeth, use the potty, and put your PJs on.  You seem to really like following a series of ‘habits’ that you can do all on your own.  

You’re also starting to do chores.  Each day you have a chore that corresponds to my own.  While I’m dusting tall furniture, you are dusting the shorter furniture.  You also help with sorting your laundry while I’m folding.  


I can hardly believe you’re almost 3 years old!  In so many ways you still seem like a little toddler, but in many other ways you are a very big boy.  I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of a 3-year old you will be. 

"Mommy, Can I Color?"

Tommy’s latest interest has been coloring.  He lives to color.  As soon as he wakes up for the day and after naps he asks, “Mommy, can I color?”  I usually let him color as often and for as long as he wants because I’m happy he finally has an interest outside wheeled objects.  


Side story about Tommy’s life-long obsession with cars/trucks/trains:  We were at Aunt Cameron’s house the other morning, where because it is a girls’ house, there aren’t many cars lying around.  I kid you not, the boy started driving the Etch-a-Sketch around the floor because the knobs looked like wheels to him.  How’s that for obsessed?  Finally Aunt Cameron took pity on him and pulled out her small stash of cars she keeps on hand for when the boys visit.


Here are some of Tommy’s recent coloring creations:

Church Boys

Here are the boys before we left for church this morning.  I’m just so happy I got them both smiling and looking at the camera...at the same time!

Answered Prayer

Here’s the quick news:  Mark is getting a vasectomy reversal next month, on August 12!!  This means that we can start trying to get pregnant again starting in September! Read on for full details...

Disclaimer:

I know this is a very long post, but I felt I couldn't cut any of the details out without defeating the purpose of it, which is to glorify God. So if you want to read about God's work in my life and how He has changed, uplifted, sustained, and been faithful to our family, keep reading!

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I scarcely even know where to begin. Let me try to begin by telling you about my prayers for the past 5 months since my miscarriage.Not knowing what to pray about at first, I simply prayed that God would give me wisdom and show me what I could learn from the experience.Besides learning the obvious, which is how to care for people going through a miscarriage experience, He began changing my thinking about family size.  He seriously changed my thinking.  


You see, before the fatigue of pregnancy ever graced my body, I always thought I wanted four kids.  It just seemed like a good number.  After we had Tommy, we didn’t even wait three months before decided the little guy was so great that we wanted more.  The plan was to have two children close together, wait a few years, and have two more close together.  


Then Ben came along and my world came crashing down.  I never knew fatigue, frustration, and impatience like I did parenting two children under age two.  For the first 6 months of Ben’s life, I literally had no free time for myself.  I don’t mean I didn’t have time to get a pedicure or browse the bookstore, I mean I couldn’t sit down on the couch for 5 minutes to catch my breath and read a few pages of a book that wasn’t about parenting.  I displayed anger I never even knew I possessed.  As the months wore on, things got a little better.  With God’s help, I took control of my anger and reconciled my lack of free time.  And as the months wore on, the boys got a little more independent and I established a solid routine, life got a little easier, but was still very difficult and energy-draining.  I began thinking that I never wanted children again, because it would only be more of this.  


I went off my birth control pills (long story) and began searching for alternative, non-hormonal forms of contraception.  There wasn’t anything we felt comfortable using, so we began talking about taking permanent measures to ensure we could never get pregnant again.  We talked seriously about a vasectomy, but never felt like it was the right way to go.  Then I got pregnant with Samuel in December and we thought that was the confirmation that a V. was the right thing to do.  We prayed about it now and then, but did not wait for an answer from God that it was indeed the right thing.  That was our first mistake.  


Fast forward to after the miscarriage in March.  I was down to only two children again just when I was beginning to get used to the idea of three children. This is when God started to change my thinking about the burden of children.  I began to pay closer attention to larger families (4+ kids by my definition) at church whose children were polite and well-behaved, and whose mothers did not seem to be the frazzled mess I always envisioned would be the case with so many children.  Mark and I heard a mother and father of four grown, God-fearing children talk about the joys of raising a large family and the harvest of blessings so many children bring later in their lives.  We felt our hearts desperately desiring more children.  


No longer did more children equal messiness, disarray, impatience, less time to ourselves, less ability to buy nice things, a cramped house, and unstable finances.  Now, more children meant relying on God for our needs.  


If we felt we couldn’t emotionally handle more children, that meant we needed to bring our needs to God and ask for help.  If my current children were not behaving in a way that made me want more children, it meant I needed to be more diligent in my discipline, and rely on God for patience and wisdom in this area.  If I was worried more children would mean less free time for myself, I need to change my priorities.  After all, the world tells me that everything is about me...I need me time, I need to do what makes me happy.  But that is not what God tells us.  He tells us that we find our strength in Him alone. He is our rock. He is our fortress. We find our rest in HIM. 


Now that my heart had been changed to want more children, the next step was to figure out where these children would come from.  A reversal was out of the question because Mark had such a traumatic experience with the first surgery.  We briefly, but very seriously, considered adoption.  We talked with families at church who had adopted and thought this was the best route. But this door was closed quickly and I was heartbroken at first, thinking my chances of having more children were gone.  


So I began to pray.  I prayed for miracle to happen in Mark so that we could get pregnant.  I prayed that either his vasectomy would miraculously reverse or that he would change his mind about the surgical reversal.  I prayed like my life depended on it, many times throughout the day.  And God answered my prayers.  


Without me knowing it, Mark started to research reversals and learned everything he could about it.  He even learned about the doctors and narrowed down a short list to contact. When he told me he wanted to get the surgery, I was thrilled, but I can’t say I was surprised.


So now we are getting a reversal.  The surgery is scheduled for next month, August 12, which amazingly is the same week I was due with Samuel and also two days before our 5th wedding anniversary.  It will be done in Oklahoma by a Christian doctor who charges very little for the surgery because reversals are his ministry.  The doctor himself has a very high success rate, and Mark’s reversal is very likely to be successful because the first surgery was done so recently.  The earliest I could possibly get pregnant is probably October, so keep a lookout for a pregnancy announcement!

Summertime!

Summer has officially arrived with the introduction of the home water slide!

Pick-Yer-Own Berries!

Note to self: do not take toddlers berry picking.  Wait until children are old enough to understand the concept of not squeezing the life out of the berry to get it off its stem.


On this glorious Saturday morning we decided to go berry picking at Gizdich Ranch in Watsonville.  We learned a lot about berry picking, mainly that toddlers and berry picking don’t really mix.  Ben spent most of his time picking berries to his heart’s content, most of them unripe, and stuffing them in his mouth as fast as he could.  I counted it lucky when he would actually pick them off the stem, but there were some unlucky occurrences when he picked up discarded berries from the dirt...yuck!

Tommy, bless his heart, was an earnest berry picker, but his technique was really lacking.  He would grab the strawberry and yank with all his might, only to make toddler-sized finger holes in the berry.  No amount of “Look, darling, pinch the stem like this and pull gently....see?”


would change his method.  We didn’t even want to tempt fate by picking the very delicate olallieberries with the boys. [An olallieberry is a cross between a loganberry and a young berry, each of which are crosses between blackberries and other berries...so, very squishy and juicy.]   We decided to just buy a few pints of olallieberries and call it a day.


After our adventure of berry picking, we ate a picnic lunch at a peaceful site on the farm.  They had an old tractor and haystack that the kids enjoyed playing on.  After we ate the food we brought, we indulged in some of the goodies the farm had to offer:  an apple cider slush, a slice of lemon meringue pie, and a slice of olallieberry pie.  A good time was had by all.

A Monday with Daddy

Mark is taking off from work Monday through Wednesday so we can have a stay-cation.  Today was our first day of stay-cation and we had a lot fun this morning.  We ate a donut breakfast at our Cal-Train station and watched the big machines move dirt around.  Tommy and Ben were fascinated watching the excavators, wheel loaders, backhoes, and bulldozers all buzzing around.  I think we’ll be having a lot more weekend breakfasts here over the next few months to watch construction.  


After the boys got their fill of  watching the big machines, we went to the playground to burn off all the sugar they’d just ingested (to be honest, Ben just had a bagel with butter & honey, but it looked enough like the donuts big brother was having that he didn’t protest.)  Both kids ran around the playground climbing, jumping, swinging, sliding, and see-sawing until Daddy said “Time to go to the car wash!”    So off to the car wash we went. 

It’s really so much fun to go through a car wash and watch the kids’ faces as they look at the arms, brushes, and water working on the car. They’re interested, but also a bit unnerved by what is going on just a few inches away from their faces on the other side of their glass.  Despite their slight discomfort, Tommy is always so excited to go through the car wash and this made his morning.  


The boys have loved having Daddy all to themselves today...and I can’t wait to have Daddy all to myself the next two days!

Bunk Beds

This is what we heard Saturday morning, around 6:15am: shuffle.... shuffle... THUMP.... shuffle.... shuffle....WAAAAHHHH!!!  These were the sounds of Ben climbing out of his crib, and then climbing into Tommy’s bed to wake him up.  Ben provided the THUMP, Tommy gave the scream.  Since we had nothing better planned for the day, we thought it was a good time to go get the boys a bunk bed and introduce Ben to the idea of staying in bed.  Ha!


Our trip to Ikea was pretty much what you’d think it would be with two toddlers...exhausting.  Tommy was in a sour mood all day because of the abrupt way he woke up, so he was incredibly whiney, clingy, and not fun to be around.  “Mommy, I want up!”.... “No, Mommy, I want to walk!”... “Waaaaah!”  Ben was a perfect angel.  


We set up the bed later in the afternoon after naps and the boys even helped Daddy put it together.  With their little toy hammers, they banged every square inch of wood they could find, and then some, and put screws in holes for Daddy.  We put Tommy in the top bunk for night time (we were too exhausted to handle bed training this night).  He loved it! 


On Sunday afternoon we took Ben’s crib apart and rearranged the boys’ room.  We put Ben in the bottom bunk for night time and began the training process.  After an hour of constantly popping him back in bed, he finally stayed put and fell asleep.  He only fell out of bed once during the night.  


I’m a bit sad that the crib part of Ben’s life was over so quickly and suddenly, but I have to remember that he’s a quick learner and a quick grower...he’s ready for this new step and he’s taken to his new bed quite well. 

Benji is 16 Months

Benji turned 16 months old today.  At his latest well-child exam two weeks ago, he weighed 25 lbs and was 31.5” tall, both around the 55th %ile.  For the sake of comparison, at the same age Tommy was 29lbs and 35”, over 100% for both height/weight.  He’s totally healthy and is on or ahead of schedule for developmental milestones.


His favorite books are Peek-a-Who?, Moo, Baa, La La La!, and Where’s Baby’s Bellybutton?.  It was last month that he started to bring me books and want to sit in my lap to read them and I’m loving it!  

He says cup (“bup”),  light (“ice”), peekaboo (“pi-boo”), hello (“ra-row”), apple (“appoh”),  up, and mama.  It seems like he really wants to talk but just can’t figure out how to form the words.


He’s using a fork with ease and is just learning how to use a spoon.  He understand how a spoon works, but isn’t quite able to keep the food on it and get it to his mouth, which makes for some messy yogurt and oatmeal sessions!  


Ben loves playing with his big brother and is always mimicking him.  The boys play well together and often go off into their room and play together for up to 30 minutes.  I can hear Tommy saying things like “Ben, want to play in my room?  Want to do cars, Benji?” and off they go.  It’s heartwarming to hear my eldest be so caring with his little brother. 

Buzz Cuts for Everyone

During a lovely outdoor lunch today, Mark and I decided it would be fun to give the boys buzz cuts.  So we did.  In retrospect, I think Ben looks better with longer hair because it balances well with his chubby cheeks...shorter hair makes his cheeks look so big!  The great thing about boys’ hair is that it will be back to ‘normal’ in just a month or so.  


Just looking at their cute little buzz cuts makes me feel summery and ready for a popsicle.

A Day in the Life of Benji...

Feeding himself oatmeal

Conquering Tommy

Handling important financial negotiations

Helping Daddy in the workshop

Eating apple...and spitting it out (favorite past-time)

Sick Boys

The boys were sick with stomach flu since Monday night until Thursday afternoon.  Mark and I also got it, luckily in different shifts so we could take care of the kids.  Even though they were sick, they made for some really cute photo ops.  Everyone is better now, so it’s time to resume normal fun activities!

Benji's First Haircut

Benji got his first haircut today.  He was mellow most of the cut and only started crying near the end.  He looks so grown up!

Before

After

Adventures in Potty Training

For past few months, I’ve felt the pressing need to potty train Tommy since we both seemed very ready for this next big step.  I asked around for potty training tips and heard lots of praises about a 3-day potty training program.  A few of my friends and acquaintances used it with great success on their 2 year olds, so it sounded good to me.  I really liked the idea of dedicating a short block of time to get it all out of the way at once instead of dragging the experience out a little at a time over a few months.  So I set aside this weekend to do this program.  Here’s how it went:


Friday
I got Tommy up at his regular time of 7:00am and took his nighttime diaper off and announced that today he would learn how to use the potty like a big boy and he would get to wear underwear like big boys wear.  He seemed to like this idea.  Then I told him it was time to throw away all of our old diapers since we wouldn’t need them anymore.  He helped me put all his diapers into a garbage bag and we both put it in the trash (which I later retrieved because Ben still needs diapers...shhh!).  Then it was time for breakfast and I started filling him up with drinks. 

The rest of the day is a blur of accidents, pee, potty visits, juice, hyperactivity, and more accidents.  I made the mistake that first day of giving Tommy too many sugary drinks and I paid dearly for it.  One moment he was bouncing off the walls, the next he was curled up in a ball on me complaining that his tummy hurt.  At nap time he wet completely through his clothes and sheets.  Then he was up for more drinks, more accidents, and more potty visits.  Then it was bedtime and I decided to see what would happen if he didn’t wear a diaper at night.  Well, you can guess - he wet himself promptly when he woke up.  I’m pretty sure he wets in the morning right before he fully wakes up, so there’s nothing he can do about it until he is biologically able to hold it.  (On Friday he went through 25 pairs of underwear.)


Saturday
The early part of this morning was very much like the previous day and I was feeling discouraged.  However, everyone told me to NOT give up no matter how badly things seemed to be going, so I stuck with it.  Over the next few hours, things got a little better.  Now Tommy would announce every time he started wetting and we’d run off to the potty to finish up.  This was improvement!  He had a nice nap and even woke up dry!  At night, I decided to put an overnight Pull-Up on him.  He told me it was a diaper, but I said, “No, these are Big Boy Nighttime Undies!”.  He seemed to accept that.   (On Saturday he went through 22 pairs of underwear.)


Sunday
This was a completely new day.  All of our training seemed to suddenly click as soon as he woke up.  He had NO accidents all day!  He always told me when he had to pee, and when we rushed to the potty, he peed!  It was amazing!  He did wet during his nap, unfortunately.  I think it’s just a mater of time before he learns to hold it when he sleeps during the day.  Later in the evening we went out to dinner - we were out of the house for over an hour with no accidents!  We had a few false alarm potty trips, but still made it home dry.  (On Sunday he went through only 3 pairs of underwear.)


I think it’s safe to say that Tommy is mostly potty trained, after only 3 days.   It will still take awhile before he is trained to go to the bathroom independently, but at least he’s out of diapers.

The Fort is Complete!

I (Mark) have been working tirelessly for the past 3 weeks to complete a fort for our boys.  It’s designed to grow with them through the years, and each “play station” (ie: slide, rope ladder, etc) is removable and can be replaced with something more advanced later on.  We wanted something that was fun and large, and yet did not encroach on the lawn or too much of the sand. Going with two towers in each back-corner of the sandbox seemed like the best approach. This also left room under them for shaded sand-play.


The holes went through a foot of sand then 3 feet of rocky soil.  50 lbs. of concrete held each pressure-treated twelve-foot 4x4. Then the basic framing was bolted on. I had to trim a few small branches, but for the most part I tried to keep the trees intact, growing around, above and through the fort.


My brother’s nail gun made putting up the fence boards a breeze.
80% of the lumber used was left-over from my parent’s house and fence. I put the full 6’ fence boards tight together on the back to give our neighbors privacy. For the rest, I cut each 6’ board into three 2’ boards, then did a decorative cut on the top with my table saw.

The basic structure is done. Now for the add-ons!  After looking online, I thought I would have to spend $300 on a slide. Home Depot did not carry any. But then I tried Lowe’s. They have a great one for $90! And they had a lot of other inexpensive things too, like a swing, tarps, a rope ladder, and handles. I just finished installing all of those today. The slide, rope ladder and stairs all have large wood/concrete blocks buried under the sand to keep them secure. 


All we have left to do is sand the whole thing then stain/seal it. When the boys get older, we plan on adding a rock wall, 3rd floor, zip/squirrel lines, and a trap-door to the ground level. 


It has been an exciting project, and remarkably inexpensive, thanks to using mostly left-over lumber and bargain-hunting the add-ons.  It is solid as a rock, and I know it will bring many summers of fun for the boys, their cousins and friends!

Two Weeks Later...

It’s been two weeks since my miscarriage on Sunday, March 8th.  I’ve been able to gain a little bit of perspective about my experience.  I no longer burst into tears at the mere thought of losing my baby, or at the sight of a pregnant woman.  I’m feeling a bit more “normal” every day. Every day that gets me further away from March 8th is a better day.


Here’s what I’ve been feeling...
Optimistic:
- I’m really looking forward to having a fun summer with my boys.  Before all this happened, Mark and I were planning on going away alone together for a few days before the chaos of having 3 kids started.  Now we are planning to spend about 4 days in San Diego with the boys.  
- I’m looking forward to enjoying my boys better now that I have more energy to play with them and more space for them in my mind 
-I can start working hard on getting my pre-pre-pre pregnancy body back now that I know I’ll never be pregnant again.  In only 3 years, I’ve been up 40 lbs (Tommy’s pregnancy), then down 25 lbs, then up another 20 lbs (Ben’s pregnancy), then down 30 lbs, then up 15 lbs.  My poor body needs a break!
-I’m looking forward to clearing out all the baby clothes we have (about 6 boxes worth in the garage!) and giving them to someone who can use them.
- To see my son in Heaven someday
-To see what plans God has for me


Guilt/Sadness:
- For feeling optimistic
- For enjoying myself in ways that I couldn’t while I was pregnant


Here’s what I’ve been doing:
- I’ve lost 10 lbs since March 6 (the day we found out our baby had died)
- I am eating healthy.  I was eating healthy food before, but was also allowing myself some treats and extra portions.  Not any more.  
- I work out at the gym three times a week doing strength training to tone muscles that have been wrecked by childbirth
- I walk at least 1.5 miles every day, often more
- Housework!  I’ve been so tired the past 4 months that I haven’t been able to keep my house as tidy as Mark and I like.  Now that I have energy, our house is looking a lot better and is more enjoyable to be in.

Jump!

Tommy’s new (and favorite) skill is jumping. I remember only a handful of months ago when he wasn’t yet able to jump, but he would still crouch down, arms extended backwards (skier style), only to take a little step forward.  Now he’s jumping down two and three steps at a time and loving flying through the air. 

Goodbye, Samuel

The following post is not for the weak of stomach.  It is meant to explain in written word the journey Mark and I have been through the past 2 days, so that I don’t have to go through the painful task of reliving the events in face-to-face conversation. 

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My D&C was scheduled for this morning at 10 am, but I never made it that far.  I had painful cramping Saturday night and all day Sunday, and staying completely still was the only thing that seemed to keep the cramping at bay.  What I didn’t realize is that the “cramps” were actually contractions and that I was most likely in labor the whole day.  Around 8 pm, my water broke while I was sitting on the couch and I delivered the baby just a few minutes later.  It was a little boy, Samuel.  

We rushed off to the emergency room where I was checked and rechecked every which way to determine whether any “products of conception” were left behind.  Meanwhile, Samuel was taken to Pathology.  


After a few hours of tests, it was determined that there was some tissue left behind and that I would need a D&C after all.  Unfortunately, general anesthesia was not an option, but the doctor assured me that the drugs he could offer me would put me in such a state so that I wouldn’t remember anything.  In reality, they only made me slightly drowsy and I do remember the entire procedure vividly.  Luckily, however, I didn’t feel much more than heavy pressure.  


I was able to go home 30 minutes after the procedure. As we were leaving, God sent an angel to minister to us. All the nurses were very kind, but this one was a God-send. She had 2 boys, went through a similar situation as us, and then adopted another boy to create a very happy family. We sat a few rows in front of her at our church  in the same service for a few months, yet never met her before tonight. Amid all the tears, despair, fatigue and blood, she raised our spirits and gave us hope.


We finally got home around 2:30 am. I slept all of 3 hours that night.


Physically, I feel better than I have in many days.  Emotionally, I tend to vacillate between raw sorrow and cool indifference.  If I dwell on the physical experience or think about how my baby Samuel is not with me anymore, will never know his brothers, and that I won’t have my dream of a posse of boys wrecking my house, I lose it.  So I try to focus my thoughts on the present and with what is true, not on all that could have been.


I know my sweet baby boy is safely in the arms of my Father and that I will meet him someday and he will be able to meet his brothers.


For now, I put my hope in the promises that God works all things for good according to his purpose, and that if there is anything I don’t understand, I just need to ask for wisdom.


As for the future, we are sure that it is in God’s plan for us to adopt someday.  It is something we have been thinking about for a few years.  Now that certain doors are closed, we look forward to what new doors God might open.