Tommy at 33 Months

You are so close to becoming a 3 year old!  In many ways, you are already there.  We’ve noticed an increase in, shall way say, challenging behavior, that lets us know the Terrific Threes are on their way.  


You just started telling stories in the past few weeks.  They go something like this:  Yesterday, I saw the farmer, and he went up the ladder, like this [imitates climbing].  And then he fell down.  And he got a big ow hurt.  And then he went up the ladder, like this, and he fell down.  And then he played trucks.  They’re so entertaining and we can definitely see a lot of your daily life in them!  


Your favorite books:  I’m Dirty!, I Stink!, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!, and Green Eggs and Ham.


Your favorite food:  You’ll eat almost anything except meat and fish.  Your favorites include strawberries, blueberries, cheese, tomatoes, and broccoli. These are things we can put on your plate, look away for 10 seconds, and find them scarfed down. Of course, you also love crackers, pizza, and hot dogs, but what kid doesn’t?


Favorite activities:  Playing legos.  You like to build “tall tall towers” and then carry it around the house to show Daddy and me, at the risk of it being knocked down by Little Brother.  You also like to color with markers and crayons.


New things in your life
We’re working on memorizing simple Bible verses and you’re very good at remembering.  This week’s verse is “Even a child is known by his deeds.”  I explain the verses as best I can in 2-year old terms and I’m hoping someday it will all sink in and help you be a good boy.  


You also have a new Habits Chart.  Each morning after breakfast and each evening before bedtime you have a series of ‘habits’ you complete on your own with very little help from me.  In the morning you clean the table after breakfast, brush  your teeth, use the potty, and then dress yourself.  You’ve always been resistant to learning to dress yourself, but lately you’ve been insisting on doing it, I think because it helps you complete your task on the chart (sounds a lot like Daddy!).  In the evening you clean up your toys throughout the house, brush teeth, use the potty, and put your PJs on.  You seem to really like following a series of ‘habits’ that you can do all on your own.  

You’re also starting to do chores.  Each day you have a chore that corresponds to my own.  While I’m dusting tall furniture, you are dusting the shorter furniture.  You also help with sorting your laundry while I’m folding.  


I can hardly believe you’re almost 3 years old!  In so many ways you still seem like a little toddler, but in many other ways you are a very big boy.  I’m looking forward to seeing what kind of a 3-year old you will be. 

"Mommy, Can I Color?"

Tommy’s latest interest has been coloring.  He lives to color.  As soon as he wakes up for the day and after naps he asks, “Mommy, can I color?”  I usually let him color as often and for as long as he wants because I’m happy he finally has an interest outside wheeled objects.  


Side story about Tommy’s life-long obsession with cars/trucks/trains:  We were at Aunt Cameron’s house the other morning, where because it is a girls’ house, there aren’t many cars lying around.  I kid you not, the boy started driving the Etch-a-Sketch around the floor because the knobs looked like wheels to him.  How’s that for obsessed?  Finally Aunt Cameron took pity on him and pulled out her small stash of cars she keeps on hand for when the boys visit.


Here are some of Tommy’s recent coloring creations:

Church Boys

Here are the boys before we left for church this morning.  I’m just so happy I got them both smiling and looking at the camera...at the same time!

Answered Prayer

Here’s the quick news:  Mark is getting a vasectomy reversal next month, on August 12!!  This means that we can start trying to get pregnant again starting in September! Read on for full details...

Disclaimer:

I know this is a very long post, but I felt I couldn't cut any of the details out without defeating the purpose of it, which is to glorify God. So if you want to read about God's work in my life and how He has changed, uplifted, sustained, and been faithful to our family, keep reading!

---------------------------------------------

I scarcely even know where to begin. Let me try to begin by telling you about my prayers for the past 5 months since my miscarriage.Not knowing what to pray about at first, I simply prayed that God would give me wisdom and show me what I could learn from the experience.Besides learning the obvious, which is how to care for people going through a miscarriage experience, He began changing my thinking about family size.  He seriously changed my thinking.  


You see, before the fatigue of pregnancy ever graced my body, I always thought I wanted four kids.  It just seemed like a good number.  After we had Tommy, we didn’t even wait three months before decided the little guy was so great that we wanted more.  The plan was to have two children close together, wait a few years, and have two more close together.  


Then Ben came along and my world came crashing down.  I never knew fatigue, frustration, and impatience like I did parenting two children under age two.  For the first 6 months of Ben’s life, I literally had no free time for myself.  I don’t mean I didn’t have time to get a pedicure or browse the bookstore, I mean I couldn’t sit down on the couch for 5 minutes to catch my breath and read a few pages of a book that wasn’t about parenting.  I displayed anger I never even knew I possessed.  As the months wore on, things got a little better.  With God’s help, I took control of my anger and reconciled my lack of free time.  And as the months wore on, the boys got a little more independent and I established a solid routine, life got a little easier, but was still very difficult and energy-draining.  I began thinking that I never wanted children again, because it would only be more of this.  


I went off my birth control pills (long story) and began searching for alternative, non-hormonal forms of contraception.  There wasn’t anything we felt comfortable using, so we began talking about taking permanent measures to ensure we could never get pregnant again.  We talked seriously about a vasectomy, but never felt like it was the right way to go.  Then I got pregnant with Samuel in December and we thought that was the confirmation that a V. was the right thing to do.  We prayed about it now and then, but did not wait for an answer from God that it was indeed the right thing.  That was our first mistake.  


Fast forward to after the miscarriage in March.  I was down to only two children again just when I was beginning to get used to the idea of three children. This is when God started to change my thinking about the burden of children.  I began to pay closer attention to larger families (4+ kids by my definition) at church whose children were polite and well-behaved, and whose mothers did not seem to be the frazzled mess I always envisioned would be the case with so many children.  Mark and I heard a mother and father of four grown, God-fearing children talk about the joys of raising a large family and the harvest of blessings so many children bring later in their lives.  We felt our hearts desperately desiring more children.  


No longer did more children equal messiness, disarray, impatience, less time to ourselves, less ability to buy nice things, a cramped house, and unstable finances.  Now, more children meant relying on God for our needs.  


If we felt we couldn’t emotionally handle more children, that meant we needed to bring our needs to God and ask for help.  If my current children were not behaving in a way that made me want more children, it meant I needed to be more diligent in my discipline, and rely on God for patience and wisdom in this area.  If I was worried more children would mean less free time for myself, I need to change my priorities.  After all, the world tells me that everything is about me...I need me time, I need to do what makes me happy.  But that is not what God tells us.  He tells us that we find our strength in Him alone. He is our rock. He is our fortress. We find our rest in HIM. 


Now that my heart had been changed to want more children, the next step was to figure out where these children would come from.  A reversal was out of the question because Mark had such a traumatic experience with the first surgery.  We briefly, but very seriously, considered adoption.  We talked with families at church who had adopted and thought this was the best route. But this door was closed quickly and I was heartbroken at first, thinking my chances of having more children were gone.  


So I began to pray.  I prayed for miracle to happen in Mark so that we could get pregnant.  I prayed that either his vasectomy would miraculously reverse or that he would change his mind about the surgical reversal.  I prayed like my life depended on it, many times throughout the day.  And God answered my prayers.  


Without me knowing it, Mark started to research reversals and learned everything he could about it.  He even learned about the doctors and narrowed down a short list to contact. When he told me he wanted to get the surgery, I was thrilled, but I can’t say I was surprised.


So now we are getting a reversal.  The surgery is scheduled for next month, August 12, which amazingly is the same week I was due with Samuel and also two days before our 5th wedding anniversary.  It will be done in Oklahoma by a Christian doctor who charges very little for the surgery because reversals are his ministry.  The doctor himself has a very high success rate, and Mark’s reversal is very likely to be successful because the first surgery was done so recently.  The earliest I could possibly get pregnant is probably October, so keep a lookout for a pregnancy announcement!

Summertime!

Summer has officially arrived with the introduction of the home water slide!

Pick-Yer-Own Berries!

Note to self: do not take toddlers berry picking.  Wait until children are old enough to understand the concept of not squeezing the life out of the berry to get it off its stem.


On this glorious Saturday morning we decided to go berry picking at Gizdich Ranch in Watsonville.  We learned a lot about berry picking, mainly that toddlers and berry picking don’t really mix.  Ben spent most of his time picking berries to his heart’s content, most of them unripe, and stuffing them in his mouth as fast as he could.  I counted it lucky when he would actually pick them off the stem, but there were some unlucky occurrences when he picked up discarded berries from the dirt...yuck!

Tommy, bless his heart, was an earnest berry picker, but his technique was really lacking.  He would grab the strawberry and yank with all his might, only to make toddler-sized finger holes in the berry.  No amount of “Look, darling, pinch the stem like this and pull gently....see?”


would change his method.  We didn’t even want to tempt fate by picking the very delicate olallieberries with the boys. [An olallieberry is a cross between a loganberry and a young berry, each of which are crosses between blackberries and other berries...so, very squishy and juicy.]   We decided to just buy a few pints of olallieberries and call it a day.


After our adventure of berry picking, we ate a picnic lunch at a peaceful site on the farm.  They had an old tractor and haystack that the kids enjoyed playing on.  After we ate the food we brought, we indulged in some of the goodies the farm had to offer:  an apple cider slush, a slice of lemon meringue pie, and a slice of olallieberry pie.  A good time was had by all.

A Monday with Daddy

Mark is taking off from work Monday through Wednesday so we can have a stay-cation.  Today was our first day of stay-cation and we had a lot fun this morning.  We ate a donut breakfast at our Cal-Train station and watched the big machines move dirt around.  Tommy and Ben were fascinated watching the excavators, wheel loaders, backhoes, and bulldozers all buzzing around.  I think we’ll be having a lot more weekend breakfasts here over the next few months to watch construction.  


After the boys got their fill of  watching the big machines, we went to the playground to burn off all the sugar they’d just ingested (to be honest, Ben just had a bagel with butter & honey, but it looked enough like the donuts big brother was having that he didn’t protest.)  Both kids ran around the playground climbing, jumping, swinging, sliding, and see-sawing until Daddy said “Time to go to the car wash!”    So off to the car wash we went. 

It’s really so much fun to go through a car wash and watch the kids’ faces as they look at the arms, brushes, and water working on the car. They’re interested, but also a bit unnerved by what is going on just a few inches away from their faces on the other side of their glass.  Despite their slight discomfort, Tommy is always so excited to go through the car wash and this made his morning.  


The boys have loved having Daddy all to themselves today...and I can’t wait to have Daddy all to myself the next two days!

Bunk Beds

This is what we heard Saturday morning, around 6:15am: shuffle.... shuffle... THUMP.... shuffle.... shuffle....WAAAAHHHH!!!  These were the sounds of Ben climbing out of his crib, and then climbing into Tommy’s bed to wake him up.  Ben provided the THUMP, Tommy gave the scream.  Since we had nothing better planned for the day, we thought it was a good time to go get the boys a bunk bed and introduce Ben to the idea of staying in bed.  Ha!


Our trip to Ikea was pretty much what you’d think it would be with two toddlers...exhausting.  Tommy was in a sour mood all day because of the abrupt way he woke up, so he was incredibly whiney, clingy, and not fun to be around.  “Mommy, I want up!”.... “No, Mommy, I want to walk!”... “Waaaaah!”  Ben was a perfect angel.  


We set up the bed later in the afternoon after naps and the boys even helped Daddy put it together.  With their little toy hammers, they banged every square inch of wood they could find, and then some, and put screws in holes for Daddy.  We put Tommy in the top bunk for night time (we were too exhausted to handle bed training this night).  He loved it! 


On Sunday afternoon we took Ben’s crib apart and rearranged the boys’ room.  We put Ben in the bottom bunk for night time and began the training process.  After an hour of constantly popping him back in bed, he finally stayed put and fell asleep.  He only fell out of bed once during the night.  


I’m a bit sad that the crib part of Ben’s life was over so quickly and suddenly, but I have to remember that he’s a quick learner and a quick grower...he’s ready for this new step and he’s taken to his new bed quite well. 

Benji is 16 Months

Benji turned 16 months old today.  At his latest well-child exam two weeks ago, he weighed 25 lbs and was 31.5” tall, both around the 55th %ile.  For the sake of comparison, at the same age Tommy was 29lbs and 35”, over 100% for both height/weight.  He’s totally healthy and is on or ahead of schedule for developmental milestones.


His favorite books are Peek-a-Who?, Moo, Baa, La La La!, and Where’s Baby’s Bellybutton?.  It was last month that he started to bring me books and want to sit in my lap to read them and I’m loving it!  

He says cup (“bup”),  light (“ice”), peekaboo (“pi-boo”), hello (“ra-row”), apple (“appoh”),  up, and mama.  It seems like he really wants to talk but just can’t figure out how to form the words.


He’s using a fork with ease and is just learning how to use a spoon.  He understand how a spoon works, but isn’t quite able to keep the food on it and get it to his mouth, which makes for some messy yogurt and oatmeal sessions!  


Ben loves playing with his big brother and is always mimicking him.  The boys play well together and often go off into their room and play together for up to 30 minutes.  I can hear Tommy saying things like “Ben, want to play in my room?  Want to do cars, Benji?” and off they go.  It’s heartwarming to hear my eldest be so caring with his little brother. 

Buzz Cuts for Everyone

During a lovely outdoor lunch today, Mark and I decided it would be fun to give the boys buzz cuts.  So we did.  In retrospect, I think Ben looks better with longer hair because it balances well with his chubby cheeks...shorter hair makes his cheeks look so big!  The great thing about boys’ hair is that it will be back to ‘normal’ in just a month or so.  


Just looking at their cute little buzz cuts makes me feel summery and ready for a popsicle.

A Day in the Life of Benji...

Feeding himself oatmeal

Conquering Tommy

Handling important financial negotiations

Helping Daddy in the workshop

Eating apple...and spitting it out (favorite past-time)

Sick Boys

The boys were sick with stomach flu since Monday night until Thursday afternoon.  Mark and I also got it, luckily in different shifts so we could take care of the kids.  Even though they were sick, they made for some really cute photo ops.  Everyone is better now, so it’s time to resume normal fun activities!

Benji's First Haircut

Benji got his first haircut today.  He was mellow most of the cut and only started crying near the end.  He looks so grown up!

Before

After

Adventures in Potty Training

For past few months, I’ve felt the pressing need to potty train Tommy since we both seemed very ready for this next big step.  I asked around for potty training tips and heard lots of praises about a 3-day potty training program.  A few of my friends and acquaintances used it with great success on their 2 year olds, so it sounded good to me.  I really liked the idea of dedicating a short block of time to get it all out of the way at once instead of dragging the experience out a little at a time over a few months.  So I set aside this weekend to do this program.  Here’s how it went:


Friday
I got Tommy up at his regular time of 7:00am and took his nighttime diaper off and announced that today he would learn how to use the potty like a big boy and he would get to wear underwear like big boys wear.  He seemed to like this idea.  Then I told him it was time to throw away all of our old diapers since we wouldn’t need them anymore.  He helped me put all his diapers into a garbage bag and we both put it in the trash (which I later retrieved because Ben still needs diapers...shhh!).  Then it was time for breakfast and I started filling him up with drinks. 

The rest of the day is a blur of accidents, pee, potty visits, juice, hyperactivity, and more accidents.  I made the mistake that first day of giving Tommy too many sugary drinks and I paid dearly for it.  One moment he was bouncing off the walls, the next he was curled up in a ball on me complaining that his tummy hurt.  At nap time he wet completely through his clothes and sheets.  Then he was up for more drinks, more accidents, and more potty visits.  Then it was bedtime and I decided to see what would happen if he didn’t wear a diaper at night.  Well, you can guess - he wet himself promptly when he woke up.  I’m pretty sure he wets in the morning right before he fully wakes up, so there’s nothing he can do about it until he is biologically able to hold it.  (On Friday he went through 25 pairs of underwear.)


Saturday
The early part of this morning was very much like the previous day and I was feeling discouraged.  However, everyone told me to NOT give up no matter how badly things seemed to be going, so I stuck with it.  Over the next few hours, things got a little better.  Now Tommy would announce every time he started wetting and we’d run off to the potty to finish up.  This was improvement!  He had a nice nap and even woke up dry!  At night, I decided to put an overnight Pull-Up on him.  He told me it was a diaper, but I said, “No, these are Big Boy Nighttime Undies!”.  He seemed to accept that.   (On Saturday he went through 22 pairs of underwear.)


Sunday
This was a completely new day.  All of our training seemed to suddenly click as soon as he woke up.  He had NO accidents all day!  He always told me when he had to pee, and when we rushed to the potty, he peed!  It was amazing!  He did wet during his nap, unfortunately.  I think it’s just a mater of time before he learns to hold it when he sleeps during the day.  Later in the evening we went out to dinner - we were out of the house for over an hour with no accidents!  We had a few false alarm potty trips, but still made it home dry.  (On Sunday he went through only 3 pairs of underwear.)


I think it’s safe to say that Tommy is mostly potty trained, after only 3 days.   It will still take awhile before he is trained to go to the bathroom independently, but at least he’s out of diapers.

The Fort is Complete!

I (Mark) have been working tirelessly for the past 3 weeks to complete a fort for our boys.  It’s designed to grow with them through the years, and each “play station” (ie: slide, rope ladder, etc) is removable and can be replaced with something more advanced later on.  We wanted something that was fun and large, and yet did not encroach on the lawn or too much of the sand. Going with two towers in each back-corner of the sandbox seemed like the best approach. This also left room under them for shaded sand-play.


The holes went through a foot of sand then 3 feet of rocky soil.  50 lbs. of concrete held each pressure-treated twelve-foot 4x4. Then the basic framing was bolted on. I had to trim a few small branches, but for the most part I tried to keep the trees intact, growing around, above and through the fort.


My brother’s nail gun made putting up the fence boards a breeze.
80% of the lumber used was left-over from my parent’s house and fence. I put the full 6’ fence boards tight together on the back to give our neighbors privacy. For the rest, I cut each 6’ board into three 2’ boards, then did a decorative cut on the top with my table saw.

The basic structure is done. Now for the add-ons!  After looking online, I thought I would have to spend $300 on a slide. Home Depot did not carry any. But then I tried Lowe’s. They have a great one for $90! And they had a lot of other inexpensive things too, like a swing, tarps, a rope ladder, and handles. I just finished installing all of those today. The slide, rope ladder and stairs all have large wood/concrete blocks buried under the sand to keep them secure. 


All we have left to do is sand the whole thing then stain/seal it. When the boys get older, we plan on adding a rock wall, 3rd floor, zip/squirrel lines, and a trap-door to the ground level. 


It has been an exciting project, and remarkably inexpensive, thanks to using mostly left-over lumber and bargain-hunting the add-ons.  It is solid as a rock, and I know it will bring many summers of fun for the boys, their cousins and friends!

Two Weeks Later...

It’s been two weeks since my miscarriage on Sunday, March 8th.  I’ve been able to gain a little bit of perspective about my experience.  I no longer burst into tears at the mere thought of losing my baby, or at the sight of a pregnant woman.  I’m feeling a bit more “normal” every day. Every day that gets me further away from March 8th is a better day.


Here’s what I’ve been feeling...
Optimistic:
- I’m really looking forward to having a fun summer with my boys.  Before all this happened, Mark and I were planning on going away alone together for a few days before the chaos of having 3 kids started.  Now we are planning to spend about 4 days in San Diego with the boys.  
- I’m looking forward to enjoying my boys better now that I have more energy to play with them and more space for them in my mind 
-I can start working hard on getting my pre-pre-pre pregnancy body back now that I know I’ll never be pregnant again.  In only 3 years, I’ve been up 40 lbs (Tommy’s pregnancy), then down 25 lbs, then up another 20 lbs (Ben’s pregnancy), then down 30 lbs, then up 15 lbs.  My poor body needs a break!
-I’m looking forward to clearing out all the baby clothes we have (about 6 boxes worth in the garage!) and giving them to someone who can use them.
- To see my son in Heaven someday
-To see what plans God has for me


Guilt/Sadness:
- For feeling optimistic
- For enjoying myself in ways that I couldn’t while I was pregnant


Here’s what I’ve been doing:
- I’ve lost 10 lbs since March 6 (the day we found out our baby had died)
- I am eating healthy.  I was eating healthy food before, but was also allowing myself some treats and extra portions.  Not any more.  
- I work out at the gym three times a week doing strength training to tone muscles that have been wrecked by childbirth
- I walk at least 1.5 miles every day, often more
- Housework!  I’ve been so tired the past 4 months that I haven’t been able to keep my house as tidy as Mark and I like.  Now that I have energy, our house is looking a lot better and is more enjoyable to be in.

Jump!

Tommy’s new (and favorite) skill is jumping. I remember only a handful of months ago when he wasn’t yet able to jump, but he would still crouch down, arms extended backwards (skier style), only to take a little step forward.  Now he’s jumping down two and three steps at a time and loving flying through the air. 

Goodbye, Samuel

The following post is not for the weak of stomach.  It is meant to explain in written word the journey Mark and I have been through the past 2 days, so that I don’t have to go through the painful task of reliving the events in face-to-face conversation. 

_________________________________________________

My D&C was scheduled for this morning at 10 am, but I never made it that far.  I had painful cramping Saturday night and all day Sunday, and staying completely still was the only thing that seemed to keep the cramping at bay.  What I didn’t realize is that the “cramps” were actually contractions and that I was most likely in labor the whole day.  Around 8 pm, my water broke while I was sitting on the couch and I delivered the baby just a few minutes later.  It was a little boy, Samuel.  

We rushed off to the emergency room where I was checked and rechecked every which way to determine whether any “products of conception” were left behind.  Meanwhile, Samuel was taken to Pathology.  


After a few hours of tests, it was determined that there was some tissue left behind and that I would need a D&C after all.  Unfortunately, general anesthesia was not an option, but the doctor assured me that the drugs he could offer me would put me in such a state so that I wouldn’t remember anything.  In reality, they only made me slightly drowsy and I do remember the entire procedure vividly.  Luckily, however, I didn’t feel much more than heavy pressure.  


I was able to go home 30 minutes after the procedure. As we were leaving, God sent an angel to minister to us. All the nurses were very kind, but this one was a God-send. She had 2 boys, went through a similar situation as us, and then adopted another boy to create a very happy family. We sat a few rows in front of her at our church  in the same service for a few months, yet never met her before tonight. Amid all the tears, despair, fatigue and blood, she raised our spirits and gave us hope.


We finally got home around 2:30 am. I slept all of 3 hours that night.


Physically, I feel better than I have in many days.  Emotionally, I tend to vacillate between raw sorrow and cool indifference.  If I dwell on the physical experience or think about how my baby Samuel is not with me anymore, will never know his brothers, and that I won’t have my dream of a posse of boys wrecking my house, I lose it.  So I try to focus my thoughts on the present and with what is true, not on all that could have been.


I know my sweet baby boy is safely in the arms of my Father and that I will meet him someday and he will be able to meet his brothers.


For now, I put my hope in the promises that God works all things for good according to his purpose, and that if there is anything I don’t understand, I just need to ask for wisdom.


As for the future, we are sure that it is in God’s plan for us to adopt someday.  It is something we have been thinking about for a few years.  Now that certain doors are closed, we look forward to what new doors God might open.

The Lord Has Given and The Lord Has Taken Away...

I never made a formal announcement here on this blog, but I was 16 weeks pregnant, due August 21st with our third little blessing.  Last Friday I started bleeding and immediately went to the doctor.  We found out that there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing around 13 weeks.  I will be having a D&C on Monday.  I chose to have this procedure done because it was the safest and best option for how far along I am.  Pregnancies this far along don’t pass naturally without much risk.  


What I’ve been feeling...
Sadness:
- That this was my last pregnancy and I will never be pregnant again.  It is hard dealing with that fact.  I was trying to enjoy this pregnancy knowing it would be my last.
- That we will not be able to have any more biological children.  We were very happy with the idea of having three children and we waited for Mark to get his snip until I was past my 12th week and we confirmed that everything was going well with the baby.  At 12 weeks we saw his heartbeat and saw him dancing around in my womb.  We got a vasectomy 2 days later.  The baby died at 13ish weeks.  It just seems like a very cruel twist of fate.
- That I will never be able to meet the little baby that was growing inside me for 13 weeks


Guilt:
- That I’m relieved in some ways.
- That I actually laughed a lot the day we found out. It is odd how a morbid sense of humor comes out in these situations.
- That I didn’t fully bond with the baby the way Mark did.  I think I always knew from the very beginning that something was wrong and wouldn’t allow myself to fully connect until I saw that sweet little face on this side of my womb. 
- I don’t, however, have any guilt about causing it...I know the miscarriage statistics and how common they are in normal healthy women (1 in 3 pregnancies).  I know I didn’t do anything to cause it.


Thankfulness:
- That I have two beautiful happy little boys to hug and kiss
- That I have an amazingly supportive husband who just wants to sit next to me while I cry
- That I was prepared for this event in so many different ways:
      • My memory verse for the morning I started the miscarriage (before I knew anything would happen hours later) was from James 1:2-4: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work in your so that you may be mature, and complete, not lacking in anything.”
      • My Mothering By Heart church moms group spoke on the topic of miscarriage only 4 weeks ago.  I took detailed notes during Colleen’s talk and am now clinging to those notes along with my Bible (and Mark’s arm).


Impatience:
- To get this ordeal behind me - though I know it’s wildly unrealistic to think this will be “behind me” anytime soon
- To start losing weight - I’ve gained 20 lbs with no baby to nurse the fat away.  I’m going to have to do lose weight the old fashioned way of eating less and moving more.  Until then, I have to wear maternity clothes, since that’s all that fits me right now.
- To know what the future holds to see if we’ll ever have any more children - either through a biological miracle (Vas. fail all the time!) or adoption.  Mark and I are not familiar with the feeling of not knowing what the future holds and it’s a bit unsettling.


...May the Name of the Lord be Praised.

Puddle Stompin'!

What do you do with kids when it’s pouring rain outside, they’re sick of coloring, and you can’t bear to sing another verse of Wheels on the Bus?  Why, you go puddle jumping of course!

All in a Hard Day's Work

Tommy’s favorite thing in the world is to “help” Daddy.  Not just helping a parent, but specifically helping Daddy with just about anything.  Last night he helped Daddy paint a small block of wood that was to be a piece of missing baseboard in our kitchen.  Today while we had a brief reprieve of rain, he helped Daddy dig holes in our sandbox in preparation for the fort we’re going to start building very soon (as soon as this rain stops!)